~Cahaya Keindahan~

Of Fate and Farewell

2012-01-15T17:42:00.002+13:00

I finally had the chance to watch the most anticipated Malay movie for 2011, "Ombak Rindu" sometime last week. The storyline is not something new for me, having read the novel beforehand about few years back. Of Izzah, an unfortunate woman who was sold by her own uncle. Fate has it that she was to meet with the ever dashing and charming Hariz, who eventually took her as his lawfully wedded wife (as she requested). And in between the marriage, entered Mila, his childhood sweetheart who is now the movie superstar. To cut the long story short, its a love story about meeting your fate at a road you try to avoid (for Hariz); of loving someone wholeheartedly but only to learn its a one sided affair (for Mila); and of a woman whose life has been battered and bruised with so many trials and challenges, yet she could still find it within her to hope for better days, to love unconditionally, to take whatever life thrown at her with so much resolve and faith in Allah swt.

The film has generated much buzz due to the casting selection, with the most popular male lead actor Aaron Aziz helming the Hariz part, and Maya Karin (Izzah) and Lisa Surihani (Mila). One thing for sure, I hate Mila's wig used in the movie, and the fact that her voice is always on a high octave tone that made her character simply annoying than she already is in the book. I think Maya Karin did very well as Izzah, minus the weird Malay accent that has long been associated with her, and incredible Aaron Aziz did not fail us Hariz.

I think overall it is a good movie (in comparison to other haywire movies ever produced throughout the year) although I do have problems with the treatment of Hariz to Izzah and Mila as portrayed in the film. Hariz is one lucky man, you gotta hate him for having 2 women who love him unconditionally, giving him the luxury to hurt both women at his whims and fancy, without him realizing it though. He loves them both, but Mila was a distant past, Izzah is his present, future and eternity.

I can't say I didn't cry or not moved by the movie, I think the soundtracks play a crucial role in injecting the element of sadness. I won't be shy to admit I did shed my tears watching "Ombak Rindu" but not as sad as I am whenever I listen to this "Ombak Rindu" song. How touching, its true that we often pray to Allah swt may He grant us the best possible result when it comes to mattes of hearts and feelings. Only He knows who is the man/woman fated to be our life partner, and until the time arrives, we can can only pray, and pray hard we will so that if we are meant to be together with the one we love, we shall be. But if not, we must accept with an open heart that maybe someone better is out there for him/her.

I'm praying may Allah swt gives me the best in everything I do, herein and hereafter. Missing someone is hard work indeed.

OMBAK RINDU

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terima ku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisiku

Tuhan aku tahu banyak dosaku
Hanya ingat Kamu kala dukaku
Namun hanya Kamu yang mampu membuka
Pintu hatinya ‘tuk cintaku

Malam kau bawalah rinduku
Untuk dirinya yang jauh dariku
Agar dia tidak kesepian
Selalu rasa ada cinta agung

Hujan bawa air mataku
Yang mengalir membasuh lukaku
Agar dia tahu ku tersiksa
Tanpa cinta dia di hatiku

Hanya mampu berserah
Moga cahaya tiba nanti

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terimaku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisiku

Suatu Masa

2011-12-09T10:46:00.000+13:00

Bagaimanakan ku mula
Dan apakah kata-kata
Yang indah untuk diabadikan
Tiap wajah berkisah
Tiap madah bererti
Manakah ilhamku

Cahaya di matamu
Senyum di bibirmu
mengukir seribu tanda pertanyaan
Mungkinkah kau jua dalam kerinduan
Di saat begini aku merindukah

Berhelai-helai surat
Terbiar di depanku
Tak dapat aku utuskan
Ku ramas semua
Dan ku buangkan
Jauh dari pandangan

Lalu aku kesal
Ku kumpul semula
Tak dapat ku nyatakan apa yang ku rasa
Jika engkau tahu di dalam hatiku
Mungkinkah kau sahut jeritan batinku

Dengarkanlah panggilanku
Dengarkanlah lagu untukmu
Angin lalu kau sampaikan
Rasa rindu yang membara
Kepadanya

Warna-warna cintaku
Kian pudar bersama
Malam yang gelap gelita
Entahkan kau rasakan
Apa yang aku rasa
Atau kau tak endah

Tapi ku percaya
Semua telah tertulis
Dan niat suciku takkan disiakan
Dan di suatu masa
Di hari yang indah
Ku hulur tanganku
Lalu kau terima

Remember Me

2011-11-30T22:00:00.002+13:00

I began missing you
on top of a mountain
in between the whispers
of your cold breath

The deafening silence
Held the night to a stand still
In the depth of an ocean
I remember
How it feels to miss you

People who live in glass houses should not be throwing stones

2011-11-03T13:18:00.004+13:00

Rocky's Bru has some interesting blog entries worth reading, and in one of his entries I extracted the above excellent quote. True that, humans like to point finger at others for mistakes or miscalculated actions they committed. They pointed one finger to others, without realizing that the home they live in are made of glass enough for people to see other fingers pointed back at them. In science, we term it reflection. Biasan kaca terpantul memandang.

Humans are forgetful lot. We often live in the past, reminiscing the memories of good old days that we conveniently forget that the world does not revolve around us every moment that it circles the sun. To justify our existence so as not to be seen as insignificant, we spent long and arduous hard time listing out the past achievements, hoping that whoever who hear it will be enchanted and be convinced of our worth and capability, and make us important. We get defensive easily when the glass world we live in, are shaken by external foreign sources who are able to challenge the core of our beliefs, making us afraid that everything we build our world upon will come crumbling and fail us in the quest of fulfilling our ulterior motive.

When we live in a glass house, it is easy to be self-absorbed into thinking that we are the best, associated with many grand societies and associations, and the list goes on and on. We find ourselves often at the defensive side when we are in the company of others, thinking that others are out to get us, watching our every step, purposely finding our faults, and talking about us to others. But who are we to judge that others are doing that, if if its not ourselves in the fist place who had resorted to such heinous act in our desperate attempt to be accepted and important. Many of us longed to be and feel important, that our minds and memories are usually distorted and often slurring immediate no-brainy response when we are asked simple things about why did the things we did, the way we did them. Baling batu, sembunyi tangan.

People who live in glass house never own up to their mistakes, they are sufficiently incapable of doing anything wrong, so they thought and told themselves. But a glass house is made of glass, it is fragile, lucid and crystal clear. You can run and try to hide, but a glass house hides nothing for others to see. Don't throw stones at others cause you think its always others' fault and never yours, cause the ones broken at the end of day is none other than the glass house. The very essence of our being.

My mentor says that some people suffer from superiority complex. Underneath, they are the most delicate, sensitive and fragile existence. Living in a glass house that they built to contain the uninviting forces to them is indeed a hard work. We often want to be different, but what's the worth of being different, if its at the expense of others? We jolted immediately if others do that us, but we conveniently forget when the table is turned. Perhaps people who live in glass houses are never at peace with themselves. Maybe its worth thinking rationally and not emotionally, that since the house is made of glass, don't throw stones at others because it will only break your house.

Don't live in a glass house. If we choose to, don't throw stones at others every time something is wrong in our life. None of us is any holier than anyone because heaven and hell are Allah's to give. Throw stones today, we'll see how many stones will be returned back if not herein, hereafter. Sometimes, we become unnecessarily competitive that we resort to doing things without thinking through it.

I think Rocky's Bru is not a man who lives in a glass house. He owns up to mistakes, and take responsibility of actions that landed him in trouble. I have seen many others who don't take pride in admitting their guilt. Instead, they will probably lash out on social media attempting to make themselves feel good.

But as my superior often reminded me, a clear conscience will lead to many happy outcome and things will fall into places nicely. We don't have to try too hard to earn our stripes if they are truly ours, don't we?

Dementia

2011-09-30T13:36:00.002+13:00

Humans tend to forget it when we do bad things to others. For instance, we usually say we forget that we have to adhere to some rules and principles before doing something, or that nobody told or advise us on how to do things. We find it easier blaming others, for in that temporary moment we feel as if we are not guilty of any offences.

Days gone by, and by the time our past mistakes began haunting us, we get defensive unnecessarily. We begin reading things that will make us feel good, we get into the dementia cocoon and began making ourselves believe that the whole world has a bad intention against us, and that we are often and forever the innocent party. As in the case of Ahkak Puaka in KFCM saga, the writer turned to blog to discredit the former fiance.

Somebody I met reminded me of dementia. Dementia coupled with superiority complex, leaving one wandering in the quest to find the raison d'etre in this wide world. Who are we to lie to Allah swt? Who are we to pretend to be someone we are not? Who are we to deny Allah's power to reveal our true colour? Who are we to think that we know best?

Life is a long lesson in humility. Dementia make some people forget the people they meet on their way up cause they think that they will never come down. Either way, I'll see you when I see you, up or down.

Nurul : Rindu Syahdu Di Hari Raya (HQ Audio)

2011-08-24T23:49:00.000+12:00

Indahnya sungai yang mengalir
Nyamanya angin yang beralun
Kicauan burung dipagi yang dingin
Bersama terbitnya mentari

Terbayang sanak saudara
Gurauan sesama keluarga
Mesra berkunjung ruih suasana
Riang menyambut hari mulia

Kini ku di perantauan
Di kota indah dan menawan
Tapi hati rindu pada kampung halaman
Desaku yang telah di tinggalkan

Ku memohon maaf serta ampun
Salamkan ku kirim pengganti diri
Doa restu ayah serta ibu
Menjadi penawar
Rindu syahdu di hari raya

Seorang Drama King

2011-08-12T21:53:00.003+12:00

Kali pertama aku mengenalimu
Mahu bersama mahu bersama
Raut wajahmu bersih
Meyakinkan hati ini
Aku terpaut

Semua dusta palsu
Aku tertipu
Keperibadianmu
Berubah menurut nafsu
Panggilanmu gelaranmu
Baru ku tahu

Lakon layarmu hebat
Terpukau ku melihat
Isi hati murahan
Sampai bila
Kau mahu tersesat
Tidak kau penat
Hidup penuh muslihat
Mahkotamu Raja Drama

Kau masih berpura-pura
Kata-katamu hanya propaganda
Mengejar hijau ungu
Mata kelabu
Ini bukan kau yang pernah ku kenal dulu
Panggilanmu gelaranmu
Baruku tahu

Kau bertakhta
Bagai maharaja di angkat sumpah
Lakon layarmu yang terhebat
Memukau mata melihat

Tidak kau penat
Hidup penuh muslihat
Sampai bila raja drama

Kerana Mulut Badan Binasa

2011-07-08T13:29:00.003+12:00

Tazkirah di hari Jumaat. Semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa hambaNya.

Sahabat yang di rahmati ,

Salah satu PERBUATAN yang dibenci oleh Allah s.w.t adalah sikap suka menghasut (mengadu domba), memecah-belahkan ukuwah Islamiyah dan silaturahim.

Nabi s.a.w berwasiat kepada Sayyidina Ali k.w. maksudnya : "Wahai Ali! Saya melihat tulisan pada pintu Syurga yang berbunyi "Syurga itu diharamkan bagi setiap orang yang bakhil (kedekut), orang yang derhaka kepada kedua orang tuanya, dan bagi orang yang suka mengadu domba (mengasut)."

Diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari dan Muslim dari Ibnu Abbas bahwa ia berkata, Nabi melewati dua buah kubur. Baginda bersabda maksudnya : "Kedua penghuninya sedang disiksa bukan karena dosa besar. Yang satu karena ia suka mengadu domba, dan yang lainnya kerana tidak mau membersihkan air seni sehabis buang air kecil."

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud : "Tidak masuk Syurga mereka yang memutuskan silaturahim."Hadis Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

Di dalam hadis yang lain Nabi s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud :
"Sesiapa yang suka supaya diperluaskan rezekinya dan dipanjangkan umurnya, maka hendaklah ia menjalankan hubungan tali silaturahim."(Hadis Riwayat al-Bukhari).

Sahabat yang dimuliakan,

Berdasarkan hadis-hadis di atas jelaslah kepada kita bahawa penghasut (mengadu domba) dan sikap suka memecah-belahkan persaudaraan Islam dan ukuwah Islamiyah dan memutuskan silaturahim adalah perbuatan tercela dan akan mendapat azab Allah s.w.t di alam kubur dan di hari akhirat nanti.

Jika dikaji mereka yang suka menjadi penghasut (mengadu domba) dan memecah-belahkan persaudaraan Islam adalah kerana disebabkan tiga faktor.Perkara-perkara tersebut adalah seperti berikut :

Pertama : Perasan iri hati dan hasat dengki melihat kejayaan dan kebahagiaan orang .

Orang yang iri hati tidak boleh menikmati kehidupan yang normal kerana hatinya tidak pernah boleh tenang sebelum melihat orang lain mengalami kesulitan. Dia melakukan berbagai hal untuk memuaskan rasa iri hatinya. Bila ia gagal, ia akan jatuh kepada kecewa. Sayyidina Ali k.w. berkata, “Tidak ada orang zalim yang menzalimi orang lain sambil sekaligus menzalimi dirinya sendiri, selain orang yang dengki.” Selain menyakiti orang lain, orang yang dengki juga akan menyakiti dirinya sendiri. Perasaan ini lahir kerana hati yang tidak bersyukur di atas nikmat dan rezeki yang Allah s.w.t kurniakan keatas dirinya. Allah berfirman bermaksud: “ Maka ingatlah Aku nescaya Aku akan mengingatimu dan syukurlah atas nikmat- Ku dan janganlah sekali-kali kamu kufuri nikmat Ku. ” (Surah al-Baqarah, ayat 152)

Firman-Nya bermaksud: “Sesungguhnya jika kamu bersyukur, pasti Kami akan menambah (nikmat) kepadamu dan jika kamu mengingkari (nikmat Ku), maka sesungguhnya azab Ku sangat pedih.” (Surah Ibrahim, ayat 7).

Kedua : Sentiasa mengikut hawa nafsu dan mendengar bisikan syaitan. Nafsu manusia suka kepada jalan kejahatan dan tidak suka kepada kebaikan. Suka menjatuhkan orang lain dan benci kepada keharmonian hidup sesama saudara Muslim.

Firman Allah s.w.t yang bermaksud : "Dan demi jiwa dan penciptaannya yang sempurna, maka Allah mengilhamkan (menunjukkan) jalan kejahatan (mengikut hawa nafsu) dan jalan ketaqwaan. Sesungguhnya beruntunglah orang yang menyucikan jiwa itu dan rugilah orang yang mengotorinya." (Surah As-Syams ayat 7-10) Firman Allah s.w.t yang bermaksud : "Dan orang-orang yang takut kepada kebesaran Tuhannya dan mencegah dirinya dari hawa nafsu, maka Syurgalah tempat kediamannya." (Surah An-Nazi'at ayat 40-41)

Ketiga : Hati dan jiwa penghasut dan suka memutuskan silaturahim adalah berpenyakit.

Orang yang mengidap penyakit hati tidak akan boleh mencintai orang lain dengan benar. Dia tidak mampu mencintai keluarganya dengan ikhlas. Orang seperti itu agak sukar untuk mencintai Nabi s.a.w. apalagi mencintai Allah s.w.t.. Kerana ia tidak boleh mencintai dengan tulus, dia juga tidak akan mendapat kecintaan yang tulus dari orang lain. Sekiranya ada yang mencintainya dengan tulus, ia akan curiga akan kecintaan itu.

Sahabat yang dimuliakan,
Mereka yang suka kepada perbuatan menghasut (mengadu domba), memfitnah dan memecah-belahkan persaudaraan Islam adalah mereka yang akan mendapat kutukan Allah s.w.t di dunia ini. Di hari akhirat Allah s.w.t akan menyediakan azab yang pedih.

Terdapat 6 jenis golongan yang termasuk dikalangan penghasut dan memutuskan silatuirahim :

1. Ibu bapa yang mencampuri urusan perkahwinan anak-anaknya. Ibu bapa yang membenci menantu dan menyuruh anaknya memutuskan ikatan perkahwinan (bercerai). Sanggup menghasut dan memfitnah menantunya . Jika menantunya melakukan sesuatu perkara yang tidak syarak sepatutnya sebagai orang tua memberi nasihat dahulu sekiranya perkara tersebut tidak berhasil barulah jalan terakhir mengusulkan perceraian. Setengah kes orang tua yang fasik ini sanggup mengunakan khidmat bomoh untuk mengenakan sihir keatas menantunya. Golongan ini adalah melakukan d dosa besar dan akan mengundang kemurkaan Allah s.w.t.

2. Rakan sepejabat yang menghasut pegawai atasan untuk memfitnah dan menimbulkan kebencian supaya rakannya tidak mendapat kenaikan pangkat atau gaji. Golongan ini sentiasa memiliki perasaan hasad dengki ini tidak merasai takut dengan azab Allah.

3. Dalam hidup berpoligami sering kita dengan isteri pertama membenci isteri kedua dan membuka rahsia suaminya dan membuat tuduhan kepada madunya dengan harapan untuk mendapat simpati daripada orang lain. Golongan ini jika tidak bertaubat dan menempah dirinya dengan azab Allah s.w.t kerana ramai wanita memasuki Neraka adalah kerana menyakiti hati suami dan suka mengadu domba.

4. Pemimpin politik sering menyerang peribadi pemimpin lain (berbeza fahaman politik) dan menghasut rakyat supaya membenci musuh politiknya dengan tujuan untuk mendapat pengaruh dan sokongan murahan. Jika yang diceritakan itu tidak benar maka ianya menjadi fitnah dan akan berlakulah pergeseran dan pergaduhan sesama Muslim. Golongan ini di hari akhirat nanti amat mudah menjadi muflis kerana dosa 'kering' yang dilakukan di dunia.

5. Permusuhan dan pulau memulau sesama jiran tetangga atau sekampung kerana berbeza pendapat.Perbezaan ini perlu di atasi supaya dapat mengwujudkan ikatan persaudaraan Islam . Kerana semua orang Muslim adalah bersaudara. Golongan ini jika dibiarkan akan menjadi barah kepada penyatuan umat Islam dan akan mengakibatkan Islam akan hilang kekuatannya.

6. Perselisihan sesama adik- beradik kerana pembahagiaan harta pusaka peninggalan orang tua. Tidak mahu bertolak ansur hingga mengakibatkan terputus dan terungkai ikatan silaturahim dan kasih sayang di antara ahli keluarga. Golongan ke 6 ini amat sesuai dengan hadis Nabi s.a.w. yang menyatakan bahawa tidak akan masuk Syurga sesiapa yang memutuskan ikatan silaturahim.

Sahabat yang dikasihi,

Marilah sama-sama kita menjaga akhlak dan peribadi kita untuk sentiasa menghiasi hidup kita dengan sifat-sifat mahmudah dan menjauhi sifat-sifat mazmumah. Sifat suka penghasut, memecah belahkan perpaduan umat Islam, mengumpat, memfitnah dan memutuskan silaturahim adalah sifat-sifat mazmumah. Sifat ini amat dibenci oleh Allah s.w.t. dan Nabi s.a.w sendiri memberi amaran keras kepada sesiapa yang hidupnya menyusahkan orang lain dan menimbulkan perpecahan sesama Muslim. Tidak ada tempat yang layak untuk mereka ini melainkan azab Neraka Jahanam.

daripada: Jalan Pintu Taubat Masih Terbuka

Sesuatu Yang Berbeza

2011-07-07T21:29:00.001+12:00

Ada sesuatu yang berbeza,
Saat ku lihat senyum manis mu
Ada sesuatu yang tak bisa ku ungkapkan
Saat ku bertemu dengan dirimu
Satu keinginan terpendam di hati

Bermain di dalam rahasia cinta ku
Ku berharap tulus cinta ini
Akan jadi kenyataan dalam hidupku
Bukan hanya mimpi dalam tidurku
Semoga tuhan mendengar doa ku
untuk cinta ini

Mungkin ini semua hanyalah perasaan
yang singgah dan pergi meninggalkan ku
Satu keinginan terpendam di hati
Bermain di dalam rahasia cinta ku

Ku berharap tulus cinta ini
Akan jadi kenyataan dalam hidupku
Bukan hanya mimpi dalam tidurku
Semoga tuhan mendengar doa ku
untuk cinta ini

Bencana Mengadu Domba

2011-07-07T21:21:00.002+12:00

Untuk peringatan hamba Allah yang suka menggunakan mulut dan lidah untuk berkata-kata mengenai orang lain, khususnya membawa khabar dusta dan fitnah.

Dosa Lidah : Mengadu domba oleh Imam Al Ghazali

Allah s.w.t. telah berfirman:

“Yang suka membisikkan (mencela), dan yang suka menyebarkan fitnah.”
FirmanNya lagi: “Celaka bagi setiap pengumpat lagi penista.” (al-Humazah:1)

Ada orang yang mentafsirkan perkataan humazah (mencela) itu dengan mengadu-domba atau menghasut. Allah berfirman lagi: “Pembawa kayu bakar.” (al-Lahab: 4)

Iaitu isteri Abu Lahab yang dikatakan suka mengadu-domba dan menyampaikan kata-kata orang ke sana kemari.

Rasulullah s.a.w. telah bersabda:

“Tidak dapat masuk syurga orang yang suka mengadu-domba.”

Sabdanya lagi:

“Orang yang amat tercinta di antara kamu kepada Allah, ialah orang yang terbaik sekali akhlaknya, si pemurah hati yang suka menjamu tetamu, orang yang rapat dengan kawannya dan kawan-kawan pula suka rapat kepadanya. Dan orang yang amat terbenci di antara kamu kepada Allah ialah orang yang suka menyebarkan fitnah (mengadu-domba), orang yang suka memecahbelahkan di antara kawan-kawan, orang yang suka mencari alasan untuk melepaskan diri dari kesalahan-kesalahan.”

Adapun batas mengadu-domba itu ialah mendedahkan segala perkara yang tidak patut disebarkan sama ada ia dibenci oleh orang yang diceritakan perkaranya, ataupun dibenci oleh orang ketiga, sama ada cara mendedahkannya itu dengan perkataan atau dengan tulisan, ataupun dengan isyarat dan gerak geri, sama ada yang didedahkannya itu berupa perbuatan, atau percakapan sama ada ia sememangnya suatu keaiban atau kekurangan mahupun bukan.

Jelasnya hakikat mengadu-domba itu, ialah membocorkan rahsia orang lain dan melanggar kehormatannya dengan membuka segala rahsia yang ia tidak ingin orang lain mengetahuinya. Oleh itu apa yang dilihatnya dari hal-ehwal orang, hendaklah ia mendiamkan diri saja, tidak dihebahkan dari hal-ehwal orang, hendaklah ia mendiamkan diri saja, tidak dihebahkan kepada orang ramai, kecuali jika penyebarannya itu akan mendatangkan faedah bagi orang Islam, ataupun menolak sesuatu maksiat daripadanya. Misalnya jika ia menyaksikan seorang yang mengambil harta orang, maka hendaklah ia menjadi saksi bagi kepentingan orang yang diambil hartanya itu.

Pokok utama yang menyebabkan orang suka mengadu domba itu, ialah sama ada ia memang tidak suka kepada orang yang diadukan dombakannya itu, ataupun ia ingin menunjukkan tanda kesayangannya kepada orang yang diceritakan hal-hal orang yang dibencinya itu. Ia boleh juga disebabkan oleh kebiasaan lidah yang memang suka menceritakan keadaan dan hal orang, serta mencampuri urusan-urusan yang tiada kena mengena dengan diri sendiri, ataupun sudah sememang menjadi tabiat sukakan sifat yang batil itu.

Seterusnya apabila seorang membawa sesuatu berita yang mengadu-domba, maka hendaklah ia jangan tergopoh-gopoh menerima berita itu, dan menyangkakannya benar, sebagaimana firman Allah Ta’ala:

“Jika ada orang fasik membawa sesuatu berita kepadamu, maka hendaklah kamu memeriksanya terlebih dulu.” (al-Hujurat: 6)

Kalau boleh, hendaklah ia melarang orang itu dari berbuat adu domba itu, dan menasihatkannya agar ia tidak menyangka jahat atau tidak baik sesuatu yang belum dilihatnya itu. Begitu juga janganlah hendaknya ia suka mengintip-intip untuk mencungkil kesalahan orang.

Berkata al-Hassan: Barangsiapa yang berani membawa berita adu-domba kepadamu, niscaya ia berani juga mengadu-dombakanmu kepada orang lain.

Dengan itu jelaslah bahawasanya si pengadu-domba itu harus dibenci dan tidak boleh dipercayai kata-katanya serta ditolak kebenarannya. Betapa tidak, sebab ia juga tidak hairan boleh menjadi orang yang menjalankan tipu daya dan pengkhianatan atas kamu serta merosakkan nama baik kamu di kalangan orang ramai. Si pengadu-domba itu termasuk golongan orang yang berusaha untuk memutuskan perhubungan yang diperintahkan oleh Allah supaya mengeratkannya, dan mereka itu berjalan di muka bumi menyebarkan kerosakan di antara manusia.

Allah telah berfirman:

“Hanyasanya jalannya untuk menyalahkan orang-orang yang melakukan penganiayaan ke atas manusia, dan mereka menganjurkan sesuatu (bencana) di atas muka bumi ini tanpa hak (kebenaran).” (asy-Syura: 42)

Orang yang mengadu-domba itu, tidak syak lagi termasuk ke dalam golongan ini.

Bersabda Rasulullah s.a.w.:

“Sesungguhnya orang yang paling jahat, ialah orang yang ditakuti oleh orang ramai kerana kecelakaannya.”

Orang yang mengadu-domba juga, termasuk ke dalam kumpulan orang-orang yang jahat.

Apabila Muhammad bin Ka’ab al-Qurazhi ditanya: Mana satu sikap orang Mu’min yang boleh menjatuhkan kedudukannya. Jawabnya: Banyak berbicara suka membocorkan rahsia dan mempercayai semua cakap orang.

Berkata setengah ahli pendita: Jika pengadu-domba itu sudah berjaya menyampaikan fitnahnya kepadamu, niscaya ia menjadi orang yang berani memaki-makimu, padahal orang yang difitnahkannya itu lebih utama mendapat belas kasihanmu, sebab ia tiada menghadapkan caci-makinya kepadamu.

Allah Maha Adil. Kepadamu, syukur dan sujudku.

Satu Rasa

2011-06-22T11:29:00.000+12:00

satu hati satu rasa
satu cinta tiada duka
rasa mahu datang bertamu
namun malu ‘nyatakan rindu

jauh ku berlari
mengejar yang hakiki
rasa sepi melayan di hati
kau kasih aku merintih
kembalikan kasih yang abadi

kasih belaianmu kudambakan
seluruh jiwa ragaku serah
kembali padamu kasih
sentuhanmu seakan menjelma
seluruh alam kuselami
mencarimu…

Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck

2011-06-21T09:27:00.001+12:00

Janjimu,
bahwa jasmani dan rohanimu,
telah dipatrikan oleh kasih cinta dengan daku,
adalah modalku yang paling mahal.

Biarlah dunia ini karam, biarlah alam ini gelap, biarlah...
biarlah seluruh manusia melengongkan mukanya
ke tempat lain bila bertemu dengan aku,
biarlah segenap kebencian memenuhi hati insan terhadap kepada diriku,
dan saya menjadi tumpahan kejemuan hati manusia,
namun saya tak merasa berat menanggungkan itu semuanya,
sebab kau telah bersedia untukku.

Terhenti Di Sini

2011-05-24T11:55:00.000+12:00

Sedangku membaca wajahmu
Senyumanmu menggambarkan sesuatu
Jika kau fahami isi hatiku
Ku tak ingin waktu henti tanpamu

Dirimu menyalahkan sebuah erti
Tapi diriku masih terhenti di sini
Dan jalanku masih belum dapat ku pasti
Namun diriku masih terhenti di sini

Andai kau dapat memahami
Bahawa ku menangung semua ini
Bukan niatku ingin kau pergi
kerna ku masih terhenti di sini

Dirimu menyalahkan sebuah erti
Tapi diriku masih terhenti di sini
Dan jalanku masih belum dapat ku pasti
Namun diriku masih terhenti di sini

Tiada daya untuk ku lakukannya
Kau tiba, di waktu ku masih punyai cinta
Tiada daya untuk ku lakukannya
Kau tiba, di waktu ku masih punyai cinta

Dirimu menyalahkan sebuah erti
Tapi diriku masih terhenti di sini
Dan jalanku masih belum dapat ku pasti
Namun diriku masih terhenti di sini

Tiada daya untuk ku lakukannya
Kau tiba, di waktu ku masih punyai cinta
Tiada daya untuk ku lakukannya
Kau tiba, di waktu ku masih punyai cinta

Reminder of the Day

2011-05-01T23:31:00.001+12:00

Boleh jadi kamu benci kepada sesuatu padahal ia baik bagi kamu dan boleh jadi kamu suka kepada sesuatu padahal ia buruk bagi kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah jualah Yang Mengetahui(semuanya itu), sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya.

[Al-Baqarah: 216]

Home

2011-03-31T14:29:00.001+13:00

I AM by Mia Palencia

I am a village, where the buffalo graze

Where the fields grow paddy, the rivers run murky and the farmers' wives age

Tired hands tend tired plants, little feet run bare

Young hearts flee to bigger cities just as soon as they dare

I am a village out on my own

I am a sunset

I am home.

Kiss The Rain

2011-03-26T01:11:00.002+13:00

Every day I miss you
Thinking about you
Is like a second nature to me
Each passing day
You live on in my thoughts
Visiting me in my dreams
With hope that someday
I could see you again

For thee my love

2011-03-14T23:03:00.004+13:00

"If your left foot hurts, my right foot will hurt too
If you're suffocated by life, my breathing will cease too
If when you want to express your love, there's nothing but a black hole
then I won't be able to make love either
If you sell your soul to the devil, a dagger will stab my chest too
We really do exist, apart from us nothing exists
We are tied to the tip of the same nerve"

If by Rudyard Kipling

2011-03-14T22:53:00.000+13:00

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

Belasungkawa: Hj Kamaruddin Kamat, 1932-2011

2011-02-11T14:35:00.002+13:00

9.53 am, Friday 11 February 2011, I received a call from my dad's mobile, and even before I answered the call I already knew the news. It was my baby sister at the other end, conveying the news we have long been preparing to hear - that my grandfather, or atok has passed away earlier of the day. She couldn't finish her sentences and broke into tears soon after, perhaps immediately after hearing to my broken voice at the end of the line.

Atok had been sick for a long time, a very very long time that I couldn't remember when was the last time he dressed up to take a stroll with his grandchildren in his favourite brown Mercedes Benz.

While there are 5 stages of grief that I have to undergo before I could really move on and accept that he is no longer around, I have to delay the emotional breakdown reaction because I have to attend to an important assignment for the next few days. So, though my heart is breaking, I couldn't really crumble now because I need to get the job done and over with with flying colours, not only because it is my responsibility but more importantly because my superior is not here at post so I have to deliver the assignment well on his behalf as well.

But it broke my heart when my staff passed me a condolence card, and the card reads:-

"We are and then we are not
Like the blowing out of a candle or the closing of a door
We go to sleep
so that we may waken in the morning - and if we did not sleep
we could never know the joy of awakening"

Atok has been waking up and sleeping again for years, and each passing day, his condition wanes. He will now sleep for a long time, and he is free from his pain and illness. I have so many things to remember him by, but again I couldn't put my thoughts coherently because despite my mum's best efforts to put up a strong front when I spoke to her over the phone, my brother clearly couldn't contain his sadness and pain when we spoke, and I think sadness got the better part of me when he told me that "nanti kita ziarah kubur atok sama-sama". My brother has always been the macho type of man, so listening to him crying broke my hearth into pieces.

I am sorry for not being able to kiss his forehead for one last time, and I am sorrier that I am grieving alone, in a foreign land. I am sorry that my line of duty kept me away from my family in this time of sorrow. I pray may Allah let my atok be among the blessed one, and I will always love him for all he had done for our family.

I miss you so much atok, and thank you for taking care of us, and in return allowing us to care for you before your time was up.

Alfatihah, dari Dia kita datang, kepada Dia kita kembali.

Ops Piramid

2011-02-10T09:42:00.004+13:00

As a global citizen of the world, I mourn the political catasthrope occurring in the North Africa and Middle East countries, sending thousands of people marching on the streets to protest against the leadership. Governance was paralyzed, order was disrupted, and life was changed in a blink of eyes.

From the earthquake in New Zealand in September 2010, to the flood in Australia early this year and Cairo's political instability, my organisation has once again gained the attention of Malaysians from all walk of life demanding an immediate delivery of relieve and response support to rescue our nationals in distress. Unkind words were thrown from all corner, coffee shop comments on how we could have done what we do better and many comments/criticism/naysayers'remarks hurled at us to prove one point - that we are inefficient and good for nothing.

My tragedy experience is rather limited to the earthquake we had in Christchurch late last year. But thanks to the experience, it enlightened and educate me about what my colleagues at these trouble-hit places are feeling and experiencing, not to forget the lack or absence of sleep. There should and will be constant phone calls, ranging from emotional and teary plead to bring them home to pranks and comical requests like asking direction to the nearby shop to buy halal chicken for curry. Journalists trying to fish for info, parents who could accept your explanation and thanked you for every updates you can give, and some who shouted and shouted from the word "go". Back then when I was on duty at our Ops Room to monitor our nationals affected by the Canterbury earthquake, I even felt guilty to go to the toilet when nature calls, afraid that if I am in the loo, someone will call and urgently need to talk to me. I had meals on the wheels, never bother to check if they are tasty or sufficient in nutrients, as long as its edible, I ate it for I needed the energy to work.

Imagine that to what my colleagues are going through now in any parts of the world that requires our attention. I pray may Allah grant us all the patience and strength to continue serving and doing our best, and not to let lack of sleep or unstable condition of life to affect our commitment. Not an easy job to balance hormones, concentration, focus and body coordination, but with the support system we have in our organisation, and the friends we made along the way, Insya Allah things were bearable.

Communication is not limited to only official emails, thanks to social network revolution help can be sought at any given time and information has new multiplying method - either by retweeting it on twitter or sharing links/status on Facebook. Machiavelli would have smiled from six feet under to note that there are times when humans do succumb to his realist idealism that "the end justify the means".

At the end of the day, we all have responsibilities to perform for which we will be measured against herein and hereafter. Although we have given our best, if there are people bound to rate it as not good or worthy enough, unkind words will still be canvassing our role and clouding the way we are perceived. Prove them wrong by showing them, that indeed you earn the stripes, so said one of my most favourite superiors when I asked him how he felt about the unkind words said about our organisation.

There are few golden rules (in my personal view) to abide when choosing this line of duty. In no priority order:-

1) Know your station in life
2) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
3) Don't find fault, find a remedy
4) Ambiguity helps when its blended with humour
5) Don't look at who is saying it but what is being said
6) When diplomacy fails, soldiers will take charge
7) Remember how to introduce yourself in 6 different languages, and be able to name their national football stars or famous actress/author/poet. It helps to break the ice and close the deal by thanking them with merci/gracias/xie xie/arigato/syukran/gamsahamida
8) And my most favourite rule from Eleanoor Roosevelt "great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people".

So to my former roommate and other colleagues manning the secretariat in the MENA region, kudos and I am proud of you. Its a humbling inspiration to continue working hard and doing my best too, despite the unkind words hurled by those who dislike us.

Cheers to our friendship!

In What City Does It Live

2011-01-27T08:39:00.002+13:00

A Malaysian indie movie maker, Liew Seng Tat was named as one of the winners of the inaugural Sundance Institute-Mahindra Global Filmmaking Award in Utah. His work "In What City Does It Live" tells the story about Pak Awang’s only child is getting married and he wishes to give her a house as a wedding gift. Unable to afford a brand new house, he comes up with a brilliant idea to relocate and restore an abandoned house near the village. Despite rumours of the house being haunted, he manages to convince his fellow villagers to help him move the house, by carrying it physically back to the village.

Solomon is a Nigerian immigrant working illegally as a street peddler, trying very hard to adjust to life in the city of Kuala Lumpur. Refusing to participate in con-businesses and black money laundering like some of his countrymen, he opts to run a small business of his own. Down on his luck, Solomon runs into trouble with the police and has to run away. He jumps onto the back of a moving truck and ends up in the village. While wandering around, he finds the house that was being moved and decides to hide in it.

In conclusion, In What City Does It Live is a story particularly about an African who appears in a Malay village by accident and upsets the whole village. It is a story about aliens, about those who don’t fit into the society that they belong, or don’t belong to.

Story about aliens and immigrants have long been dominating the social scene in our country. While Liew Seng Tat admitted that his great grandfather was an immigrant from the southern part of China, but he is a Malaysian. The past and the present. Without the great grandfather, there will be no Liew Seng Tat and sans him, a Malaysian won't be named as one of the winners for this filmmaking award.

I earnestly hope his movie will be a success and that people will understand to respect one another regardless of the different sets of values, beliefs and faiths that you practice. The past is what make us who we are today, but lets not forget that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass. This brought back memories of learning Al Quran & Sunnah & Syariah Islamiah during my high school days, during one of the classes I remember Ustazah Epuziah stressing her point that "Moderation is the way of Islam - Wasatiyah".

In the Al Quran, Allah said "Thus have We made of you an Ummah, justly balanced, that you might be witnesses over the nations". In this verse of the Holy Al Quran, Allah SWT offers us a clear direction on our stand in life: to be justly balanced in everything that we do and only then, says Allah, can we truly be witnesses over the nations.

Parties often argue with one another because they hold extremely opposite views and refuse to compromise and accommodate each other's views. Our pride sometime stop us from being humble, especially if we think of ourselves as better cause we have lived longer. How often have we fall trap of misery because of our excessive practices? When our money runs dry, we blame it on the capitalism without even pointing fingers to our greed and constant craving for material gains that disable us from saving up for rainy days.

We love a beautiful home, Gucci or Prada handbag, a pair of Manolo Blahnik and an Emilio Pucci or Herve Leger dress. Question is, do we have to land ourselves into financial difficulty and subject our families to humiliation and ridicule to acquire these? Allah said "Those who, when they spend, are not extravagant and not niggardly, but hold a just balance between those extremes….." (25: 67)

My favourite topic has always been about food extremists. Some even go to the extent of not eating anything at a non-Muslim house, or in an extremely rude cases even queried about food prepared by Muslims host, out of their extreme desire to be a good Muslim. There was one time when I had someone asking me if the food served at one of my functions were halal, and my answer was simple "if you are in doubt don't eat, that's what Allah teaches us to do".

I remember when Ustazah threw us a question, if the food is prepared by a Muslim host but from an unknown source of money, would it still be halal for you eat? I couldn't remember if any of us gave the definite answer but I remember her smiling and said, not everything prepared from the non-Muslims are haram, sometime they are more respectful of you because they know how important is your religion to you. Right, we always take things for granted and be contend in our bubble/comfort zone. Try shaking that and you'll see many people clamoring to get hold of themselves.

To all my ustaz wa ustazahs, "syukran jazilan for teaching me to be a moderate and respectful of others since I was young".

I always ask myself this question, isn't a woman's voice is aurat? How do we justify women singing in a crowd where there are men who are not her Muhrims? In Surah Al Ahzab (32), Allah says "O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner". If translated into Malay its read “Wahai isteri-isteri Nabi, kamu semua bukanlah seperti mana-mana perempuan yang lain kalau kamu tetap bertaqwa. Oleh itu janganlah kamu berkata-kata dengan lembut manja (semasa bercakap dengan lelaki asing) kerana yang demikian boleh menimbulkan keinginan orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya (menaruh tujuan buruk kepada kamu), dan sebaliknya berkatalah dengan kata-kata yang baik (sesuai dan sopan)”.

I notice people tend to pick and choose which edicts they'd be extreme and moderate about. It all boils down to personal interest, and it is always important to ask ourselves everyday as we reflect on what we did the whole day, will the thing we do bring us closer to Allah? Will Allah loves us if we gossip about people? Will Allah be happy to look at us when we talk bad about people who are not there to defend themselves? Will Allah be happy if our mouth is as porous as a tempayan and always finding fault with others, yet forget to reflect on our own mistakes? Will Allah be happy if we always pass on our responsibilities to other people? Will Allah be blessing us if our hearts are full with envy, greed and bad intentions that it makes us agitated and always jumpy especially when our wrong deed backfire? Will Allah be mad if I always spend my time talking about other people but not to berzikir? Will Allah be happy if I always lie and put up a pretense to cover up for our lack of industrious efforts in carrying out our amanah?

My mum always reminded me, whenever you want to do/say/decide on something, always ask yourself if the decision/action taken will bring you more pahala and make you closer to Allah swt. And it is a personal aim for me to attempt to be a good and moderate Muslim, so that the non-Muslims will appreciate the beauty of Islam. This is my way of expressing gratitude to the teachers who spent hours translating the Arabic text of Al Quran into Malay for our learning. This is my way to thank Allah for bestowing me rezeki Alhamdulillah.

So, don't treat people as aliens if their values are different from you. Don't be jealous if other people are more successful than you. Don't be too snob with power, title and status, for we never know if other people too have their own who's who list on the speed dial or in their family. Don't be too bothered about brands if it will only make you a pauper. Don't look down on people just because you have lived longer, cause we don't know what Allah's plans are. Table might be turned, someday, our own deeds might backfire and haunt us, our generation, our loved ones.

Look at the extreme suicide bombers. Out of hatred to those who have wronged Islam, they resorted to extreme measures which ended up with us Muslims being subjected to further harassment and difficulties. Is that the legacy we want our generations to bear with for as long as they live? Don't misunderstand Islam and worst of all, don't think we are a better Muslim than the other because we don't know how Allah look at us. And we will never know how He look at us, not until the judgement day arrives.

Finally, my favourite Chinese proverb says "losing chicken always make the most noise". Sabda Nabi Muhammad saw "Barangsiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan Hari Akhirat, maka hendaklah ia berkata yang baik atau diam". (Riwayat Bukhari & Muslim)

Don't be like a coward chicken, jadilah diam-diam ubi berisi. Renung-renung kan dan selamat beramal.

Amin.

Confession of A Friend

2011-01-25T22:39:00.005+13:00

Fine

2011-01-22T01:15:00.001+13:00

He's never been lonely
She takes his hand and all his troubles step aside
He's never felt like this before,
But he'd like to try
'Let Yourself in', it's all he's thinking about
'Let Yourself in', now he's singing out loud

I'm feeling like my life has just begun
And I'm feeling fine
I fell so alive, singin'
I'm feeling like my life has just begun
And I'm feeling fine
So fine, fine, fine

She lightens up his morning
All of his plans seem so damn easy to decide
It's not about just feeling lonely
It's more, just give it a try
'Let Yourself in', it's all he's thinking about
'Let Yourself in', now he's singing out loud

I'm feeling like my life has just begun
And I'm feeling fine
I fell so alive, singin'
I'm feeling like my life has just begun
And I'm feeling fine
So fine, fine, fine

I can't wait to find my way home
I can't wait to get to start
It will not be done, until it's all begun

Korean lesson

2011-01-21T20:41:00.001+13:00

Since learning Korean language requires understanding of the alphabet which definitely will take me ages, I cut it short by learning simple words from a romanised Korean song - Fool by 2 am. Babocheoreom.

Babocheoreom wae mollatneuji
Babocheoreom wae guedaereul bonaen geonji
Babocheoreom deodige ooneun gaseumeh
Eeje eejeyah arayo

Nae sarangeun ojik guedae bbooningeol
Nae nooni guedael chajado
Gaseumi jakku joyeodo
Saangeun anira mideotjyo
Geunyang jom weorowo gidaetda mideotjyo

Nae sarangeun ojik guedae bbooningeol
Babogatchi goolji malja
Honja gaseum alhji malja
Apaseo noonmoori heureumyun
Yamujiji mothan mameul kkajijyeotjyo

Geudaemani nae saramingeol
Geudaemani nae gaseumeul chaeooneun geol
Babocheoreom eejeya aneun najiman
Geudae geudeareul boolleoyo
Geudae eobshin sal su eobseunikkayo

Translations:

Like an idiot, why didn't I know?
Like an idiot, why did I let you go?
Like an idiot, my heart cries slowly
I know now
My love is only you

Even if my eyes look for you
Even if my heart pressures me
I didn't believe that it was love
I believed that I was lonely and had to lean on you

Like an idiot, why didn't I know?
Like an idiot, why did I let you go?
Like an idiot, my heart cries slowly
I know now
My love is only you

Let's not act like idiots
Let's not heart ache alone
When tears fell because of the pain
I'd become upset with my heart for being so weak

Like an idiot, why didn't I know?
Like an idiot, why did I let you go?
Like an idiot, my heart cries slowly
I know now

Do you know, that you are my love?
Do you know, that you fill my heart?
Like an idiot, I've just found out now
You, I call you

Because without you, I cannot live on

Yo Te Amo by Chayane

2011-01-18T23:31:00.001+13:00

In simple words, I miss you
In earthly language, you are my life
In total simplicity, the kindness is of your skin
The strength inside moves me to begin again
And in your body I find peace

If life permits me to be by your side
I have no doubt, my dreams will grow
If I were to lose my life in a second,
Let me be full of you
To live life after loving you.

Have no fears or doubts
This love is much to good
You will be my woman
I belong to you entirely
Look at my chest, It is open
For you to live in it.

For your peace of mind, you have me in your hands
For you are my only weakness
to the end, I only know that I will wait for you
That you are my life, and give me your light, and goodness
The world where your words are your will

The magic of this feeling, that is so strong and complete
And your eyes are my peace

If life permits me to be by your side
I have no doubt, my dreams will grow
If I were to lose my life in a second,
Let me be full of you
To love life after loving you.

Have no fears or doubts
This love is much to good
You will be my woman
I belong to you entirely
Look at my chest, It is open
For you to live in it

Have no fears or doubts

Starlight Tears

2011-01-18T16:06:00.002+13:00

From the first time we met,
I knew we would be friends
You had a different air than others that I knew
I am also alone in this world
I’ve come to know
Finally, I’ve met someone like you

I know that I might’ve been a bit cold at times
But that was just the way I dealt with all my fears
You took the first step to show I don’t have to be alone
And now I, I know I love you

I will be waiting for you
Don’t care how long it may take
I will always be right here
When you need to laugh or cry
You let me know
When you are ready to love
And I will rush to your side
To sweep you into my arms

Maybe one day you’ll know the love that I’ve kept inside
I know love comes with pain; it’s so hard to erase
All that I’m asking is for you to let me stay here
Don’t be scared; you can lean on me

I know I’ve found the one when I look into your eyes
I will wait by your side till you can give me your heart

Boys Over Flowers OST

World Cup 2018 & 2022

2010-12-03T10:03:00.003+13:00

Hello everyone (if there is anyone reading this).

It is a bright and sunny day today, in fact this whole week Wellington has been hot and summery as opposed to its conventional windy, wet Welly. But I am not writing about weather today. Not even to review some of the finest movies and performing arts shows that I have been attending. I am moved to write in conjunction with Russia & Qatar's successful bid to host World Cup in 2018 & 2022 respectively.

The first thing that caught my eyes when Sepp Blatter announced the result for 2022, was the serene looking Her Royal Highness Sheikha Mozah Nasser Hamad bin Al-Misnad in a maroon clad attire looking joyous and fulfilled. At last, the high calibre PR work which she must have spearheaded has paid off, that the tiny nation rich with oil will be the first Arab and Muslim nation to host the prestige World Cup on their home soil. She looked poised and certain that this is what the nation needs to heal the region often plagued with conflict and war.

But its not Qatar and Russia that I want to talk about today. They worked hard as a nation to bring the World Cup to their respective nations, so forget all the naysayers who chanted childish remarks like "its money that win the votes" or "big mistake to give it to Qatar" or anything else that qualify the losers to be big time SORE LOSERS! Kudos to FIFA for this remarkable leap of change to travel down the place where FIFA has never been before!

Which brings my attention to my beloved Malaysia. When it matters for tournament that will determine your FIFA ranking like Suzuki Cup, you just blew the match and lose terribly 1-5 to Indonesia. When nobody gives you hope of surprising us with anything, you won the gold medal for SEA Games and marched on to second round of Asia Games.

Maybe a comprehensive study need to be undertaken on the pro and cons of Malaysia bidding to host World Cup in our own home soil. Forget the bad weather, it ain't as hot as in the Middle East so we don't need the air conditioned stadium. Forget the distance between venues, our land is not as gigantic as Russia, we can build more bullet speed trains to connect Kelantan and Kuala Lumpur, or Perlis and Johor Bahru.

Hang on I am digressing, as always. The point is, football (or soccer, depending on your geographical location) has always been a national favourite sports in Malaysia. Have you been in a stadium where a throng of red-clad supporters will come in abundance (thousands I tell you) to render support to their state team at a Super League match/Malaysia Cup preliminary round (and yes I am talking about Kelantan-Selangor match at Stadium Shah Alam). They are the devotees who don't care whether Liverpool has been thrashed or if Barca has successfully tarnished Mourinho's ego, all they care about is their home state fighting against one of the most favoured teams in the Malaysia football scenes (as I was told by football insiders, something like wikileaks of the football Malaysia. Surely if their team didn't win, you'd be the first to escape from the stadium to avoid noise pollution but if they win, jubilantly they celebrate.

Imagine if by miracle and Allah's willing, Malaysia is to host World Cup in our own soil (say 2035, 15 years after achieving our target of being a high income and developed nation in 2020). Let us extrapolate the impact of hosting such prestigious tournament to our football fetish whose heroes today are the likes of Berbatov, Ozil or Van Persie (WHAT?), and our youngsters who may have the dream of donning the national jersey but afraid of being labelled as 'wasts of taxpayers money investment" with lukewarm achievement and ranking lower than even that of Tajikistan (149); Rwanda (127); Thailand (114); Myanmar (144). While Malaysia sits comfortably at number 150. Not bad, but not too good for a country whose poverty reduction has been reduced from 49.3% in 1970 to 3.8% in 2009 according to the United Nations.

Imagine having to host the World Cup and putting up a team that will not humiliate the Jalur Gemilang with big margin losses. We will have to push all boundaries for the athletes' dieting, training, discipline, tactical, techniques and all other aspects to produce WINNERS. If we want to play at the World Cup stage, we ought to think, act and play like those deserving to represent Malaysia and play against the likes of Maradona of Argentina, Ronaldinho of Brazil or Beckham of England. If we are to argue that this dream is too far fledged, think again. Where did the strength and spirit came from in the 70s and 80s, time when resources were scarce that the coaches had to fork out their own money to pay the players, ferry them from one venue to another for training and matches. The good old days when the players only have one jersey each, and if its rip, the wives/mothers/sisters had to stitch them back before the next match.

Yet Malaysia was indeed the real tiger of Malaya. We roared loudly that it took us to the 1972 Olympic in Munich, beating Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and the Philippines. We won bronze at the Asian Games in 1974 after defeating North Korea. We roared loudly again to qualify for Olympics 1980 in Moscow, but political dexterity won over sporting enthusiasm and we boycotted the game in protest of Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. And back then, winning Merdeka Cup doesn't seem to be like an unimaginable fight for we did it at least 3 times (if I recall correctly my dad's lecture on football in Malaysia).

Where have all the cowboys gone? What happen today, when football associations are rich and have access to infrastructure, academy, sports school, exposure at international tournaments, yet we don't roar anymore. Today, we whisper a lot, like a ghost whisperer. Like we already surrender our soul even before we kick the round ball here and there on the field. We let personal gratification to eclipse the job we ought to do - PLAY FOOTBALL. Players today are much richer than their contemporaries in the 70s and 80s but they are not any better as far achievement is concerned. But I assure you, loyal fans like me will still adoringly work with the internet to search for live streaming whenever the national team or even my state team playing at finals or in any crucial and critical match. We exchange notes with friends all over the world, desperately pleading for those who has the link to watch live football streaming to share it with us cause we want to cheer for Malaysia too!

I remember watching football final at SEA Games 2009 in Vietnam when our men won the gold medal against host country, beating the odds of playing in front of Vietnam's supporters. We did it against all odds, didn't we? What is wrong with us? Inconsistency? Lack of outcome-based measurement of performance? We have it all going for us, why can't we even beat Indonesia at Suzuki Cup? or at least try to minimize the goals conceded.

My jerseys are hanging proudly in my closet and I am not gonna write them off. Someday, I hope to wear them to cheer for our national team at the World Cup Stage. Maybe external interference should not be brought into sports management in Malaysia, maybe we need to let sports professionals to chart the path for our sports future. As a wise friend of mine proudly declared, Malaysia is not a sporting nation but to produce the likes of World No 1 Nicol David, Lee Chong Wei, and upcoming star like Azizulhasni Awang, is an extraordinary feat for an ordinary country. Maybe we should also introduce examination model in the sports training since we all know how we adore the grading system i.e. A, B, C or F! If it helps to get the athletes with their focus and revision, maybe worth a try. We need A list athletes, not wannabes. Not all Malaysians are gifted to play sports, hence we rest our hopes on your shoulder to deliver on our behalf because we are one, you and me- we are Malaysians. It doesn't matter who wins, what matter we win it for our country.

This is a long rambling, I know. But growing up in a family who has had a tradition of representing Malaysia and Negeri Sembilan in sports certainly has a huge impact on my relationship with sports, including football. We need to train promising Malaysian players, regardless of the state they are playing for, if they are the best for us, grab them and give them the report card and tell them, we want only A performance from you, nothing less. When we aim for an A, if we fall, hopefully we will land on B+ or at least B-, but never F.

Happy weekend Malaysia!

Ku Berjanji Kerana Cinta

2010-11-11T14:25:00.002+13:00

Kumenunggu getar hatiku
Anganku hanya untukmu
Tuk bersama selamanya
Kita berdua

Kau slalu mengisi hariku
Dengan canda dan tawamu
Kurasakan bahagiaku
Untukmu selalu

Kuberjanji karna cinta
Kuberharap karna kasihmu
Selamanya dan tak akan pernah berpisah
Sampaikan nanti

Kau selalu mengisi hariku
Dengan canda dan tawamu
Kurasakan bahagiaku
Untukmu selalu

Kuberjanji karna cinta
Kuberharap karna kasihmu
Selamanya dan tak akan pernah berpisah
Sampaikan nanti

Meraihmu…menggapaimu

Kuberjanji karna cintaku)
Karna cinta
Kuberharap karna kasihmu)
Karna kasih
Kuberjanji karna cintaku
Kuberharap karna kasihmu
Selamanya dan tak akan pernah berpisah
Sampaikan nanti

Pernah berpisah

Sometimes I wonder if someone has said yes the first time we met, I would have been saved from the aftermath of no :)

Boys Meet Girls

2010-10-19T16:15:00.002+13:00

On one hand, I have a friend whose girlfriend is jealous of his lady friends. On another hand, a lady friend is jealous of her boyfriend's lady friends. Where do I fit in? Nowhere really, just smiling and grinning wide as I could, for it brings back the adage about the "when a man loves a woman" versus "when a woman loves a man" battle.

So imagine that you are an attractive young woman, perhaps in late 20s or early 30s, admired by many but only few dared to make the moves. After a whirlwind dating session and see-each-other phase in a relationship, a good/average/cute looking man landed himself in your arms. In that instance, he became you confidante, best friend, eye candy, partner, mortal soul mate, worst enemy, and to sum it all, your boyfriend. Declarations of love were intertwined between straightforward "I love you" to the more cryptic "if only the stars could speak they'd sparkle at your beauty and rejoice in your warmth", to something more contemporary like "I am afraid of losing you". The lady love smiled, trembled in her man's arms, or simply fainted cause she couldn't believe her lucky stars.

Now imagine a man, attractive or not, but he too has a girlfriend. How did she landed herself into his arms? With man, there are 2 modalities - it's either first, he made the move, cause she is drop dead gorgeous that losing her means he'd lose his sanity and won't be able to live anymore. Or, it was her who bravely entered his life with charms, constant pouring of attention to his needs, casual reminder of his daily schedule/meal time/assignments' the good luck wishes carved on a simple card enclosed with a poem/flower/chocolates and the consistent and persistent phone calls to wish good morning/hello/how do you do/good night. The man relented, cause there might be someone, in a very few brilliant moment in the life of a man and his love life, there are bound to be someone who'd be the one to tell him "I think she likes you". And he'll be like, "you're kidding me?" and the friend said, "I'm not, she doesn't call me to remind me not to skip meal or I will be down with gastric". Doomsday.

Intermission - what happen when she/he is yours?

When a man loves a woman, he'd trade anything to be with her. Her flaws are not of concern to him, cause his mind was focused on her and her alone. When a woman loves a man, everything in her world is about him. She could even ditch her girlfriends if he said so, but he'd never give up his band of brothers cause "real men don't sacrifice all for love". From the first declarations of love, missing you, want you forever, till death do us part, then came the unleashing of a roller coaster emotions - but most of all, the most talked about emotion is one - JEALOUSY.

And jealousy is the central theme of this entry because of what my friends had just related to me today. He is upset because the lady is jealous of his lady friends (okay that includes me hehe) and in another story, my friend is jealous of her man's lady friend for reasons I will not disclose here. So when both of them asked me questions as to "Why women are such a jealous creature" and "Why can't he understand that what he did hurt me badly?"

I smiled and joyfully replied in 2 different tones - one is me in the shoes of an understanding girlfriend who may get jealous too if a lady hangs out with my man; and another shoe is me as the understanding lady friend whose male friend's girl is jealous of, so I had to shed some light into his brain as to how the machination of the female creatures function and respond.

To pen off, I'd like to dedicate the song "When A Man Loves A Woman" to all the men whose girlfriends are jealous of their lady friends, and to all the jealous girlfriends who are not happy that your men are hanging out with other women. Can love withheld the test of time between us and our man/woman? You have the answer to that. So enjoy the rest of day loving your loved ones, don't waste time looking for mistakes.

If your left foot hurts, my right foot will hurt. If you're suffocated by life, my breathing will cease, too. If, when you want to express your love, there's nothing but a black hole, then I won't be able to make love either. If you sell your soul to the devil, a dagger will stab my chest, too. - Miguel de Unamuno

Wassatiyah In Moderation

2010-09-30T10:09:00.004+13:00

The two words imply the same meaning in 2 different languages. And this entry after a long hiatus (I took a break and started blogging on wordpress) is a reaction to the reactions by several quarters on YAB Prime Minister's maiden speech at the 65th United Nations General Assembly or its famous nickname, UNGA.

Set against the backdrop of a cold and locked down New York City, our Prime Minister has rosed to the occasion to deliver one of his best masterpieces in diplomacy. The speech can be read at http://www.unmultimedia.org/tv/webcast/2010/09/malaysia-general-debate-65th-session.html

In essence, the speech dealt with issues of MDG, climate change, Middle East Peace Process and yes, Islamophobia. Of the fight between us against them. And what better occasion than the UNGA for the Prime Minister to share with others, members of the international fraternity of global politics and the United Nations, our personal experience of managing diversity and variation in Malaysia.

Peace and harmony in a multiracial Malaysia is a subject that is more than skin-deep and more than meet the eye. This we have realised since the tumultuous events of May 13, 1969. Sadly, several quarters in our multifaceted society are championing hard and tirelessly for this chapter in our history to be erased permanently, so as to devoid the younger generations the appreciation on the struggle and efforts to promote unity and harmony for all races in Malaysia. Why are we afraid of the truth recorded in the history of our nation building? Cicero in one of his finest works stated that "History is the witness that testifies to the passing of time; it illumines reality, vitalizes memory, provides guidance in daily life and brings us tidings of antiquity". History is the best guidance and reference for us not to repeat the mistakes done in the past. And without the taste of pains of the past, how can we appreciate the peace and harmony that we have now? We should be grateful that our Malaysia is a safe and habitable to shield us from the threat of terrorism. Tourists could amble freely at JW Marriot or Hard Rock Cafe without having to worry if there will be bombs waiting to explode.

Indeed, recent events have brought to the fore some questions and issues that, if not handled well, are bound to generate tension, uncertainties and apprehension within our society. It is imperative upon all of us as responsible Malaysians, to keep on nurturing multiracialism though its challenges and demands are by no means easy to satisfy.

While the United Nations is not entirely free of recalcitrant States at times, inclusive of those who think they can control the entire world through weaponry might, so do we when individuals and entities back home step out of line and uttered society-divisive views all the time, as if like they are just waiting at the edge for others to make mistakes. They quickly lunged forward to criticize our history, our origins, playing the sentiments about rights allocated under our Federal Constitution. They have also voiced resentment against set constitutional arrangements that had been agreed by our nation’s founders, an agreement of power sharing which we all know is the ever clear "Social contract" agreed upon by our forefathers.

While uttering these shattering things, they may have for a blink of the moment forget to see and appreciate their pile of health, wealth, comfort and the good life – all as a result of what Malaysia has been giving them over the decades. They have sons and siblings who are doctors, lawyers, engineers and roaring business houses that have been built with the help of the Malaysian system. A simple look at Kuala Lumpur, Ipoh, Penang, Johor Bharu, Kuching and the towns and cities of the country will confirm this. And if they have the time, they can come and visit some rural villages like the ones in Selama, Kuala Kedah, Gua Musang, Pasir Puteh, Kuala Pilah, Chemomoi and others.

The sons of our own soil blare out problems, perceived inequities and the negatives but not the good life that Malaysians have been leading and enjoying. They somehow have been showing symptoms of dementia and completely refuse to admit and concur with the positives and the plus points of the Malaysia that we call home and the Malaysia that we call our country. As if Malaysia today is about to explode into smitherines of poverty and inequality, into chaos and hopelesness, like Zimbabwe. As if the non- Malays and Bumiputras are up in arms to clobber our leaders and run amok for the well-heeled members of our community. As if the non-Bumis are clad in rags and have no rights at all to attend any schools of their choice i.e. SJKC, SJKT, SRK, etc. As if we don't share the pain of Datuk Lee Chong Wei when he failed to navigate our national team to a victorious Thomas Cup campaign in May this year. As if we won't rescind if other competitors try to kill of Air Asia's business by any means.

Our Malaysia is a melting pot of everything you can and boleh find elsewhere - sambal belacan and the cencalok intermingle with hainan chicken rice, char kuay teow, fish head curry and sambal tumis. This is the country where the majority of Malaysians savour the durian and yet some avoid the tempoyak. That in itself is the freedom of choice. It is also in Malaysia where working class citizens like me whose part time job is food-critic, opt to have dim sum lunch complete with the chopsticks, and in return my Chinese, Indian, Bumiputera friends savour the tasty nasi lemak or nasi campur with their bare hands!

Oppression? I don't think so. This nasi lemak country has its deep roots in history and its pre-Merdeka traditions which succeeding generations ought to respect.

It is unfortunate that at a time when the climate of being more liberal in the country is in good setting, some segments of our society are taking advantage by raising highly sensitive and emotive issues, both within and outside of Parliament; which should be enough to demonstrate their lack of respect and integrity to the wisdom of our founding fathers who had fashioned the Federal Constitution to cater to the needs of every segment in our society.

This is not a debate that will see the end of the light anytime soon because for long, we have grown complacent of our national harmony and taking for the granted the air we breathe; the tarmac where we drove our expensive cars i.e. shiny Volvo or the cheaper-prize-dearer-maintenance Perdana; the friends whose houses are open for Hari Raya, Chinese New Year, Deepavali, Gawai, Kaamatan etc. When we are safely tucked in our beds on our way to dreamland, we forget how life'd be if we don't have a roof to shield us from the sun; the food to keep us healthy and lively; the clothes to cover our bodies from the ultraviolet.

We dwell to much on the complexities of our wants; that we forget to thank the Almighty for the basic needs that we enjoy. We become greedier as the days pass by, that we choose not to talk about the good things done by others but always finding fault especially if we perceive ourselves to be 'holier-than-thou' or 'smarter' than the rest. We forget that if we think we are high on moral grounds; they are others who are better. We never want to consider ourselves as the better alternative but always the best - as if we won't waver at all from the pathway. As if we know best.

And that is the problem with us today - always finding fault with others. The question we always ask was "Whose fault was it?" instead of "What went wrong?"

Have we really gone mad to wish for the fall of our beloved country Malaysia?

Someone Like You

2010-06-06T01:05:00.002+12:00

I was flipping an old album during the good old debating days, when memories started flashing back to fill my empty mind. Winning a tournament was one thing, meeting the people who remain as friends until today is another. The social activities were the ones we looked forward to more than the debate itself.

I quit debating even before we left for Royals in UMS. I had to choose between debate and final year assignments and I realized that I could not screw up my thesis submission for debate. By then, our team had won few tournaments that made it easier for me to leave, as the old saying says, quit while you're on top. My last tournament was UiTM Open in Shah Alam.

Looking at the old photos of me when I was in Stellenbosh, South Africa, to Bangkok, Singapore and all the varsities in Malaysia made me smiled to myself. Only then that I realized that I had done something remarkably DARING during Asians in Assumption University, Bangkok. Oh, I wished they have forgotten about it, ahaha...

But, I'm glad I did what I did. You never know where you stand if you don't try, as the saying goes, all's fair in love and war. I tried, and I knew where I stand. I have no regrets of whatever I had done in the past. Thank you Allah, for blessing my life with wonderful moments and friends to cherish and to love for as long as I live.

Little Things That Make You Smile

2010-05-26T15:34:00.002+12:00

I smiled happily on my way back from a meeting, when I saw the officer in charge used my style of preparing draft programme, to prepare her draft programme for an incoming visit from Malaysia. How elated I was, proud to some extent, to see that people actually see the value in my workmanship (if I can say so).

It is true what people say that our talents are often recognized not by our own statesmen, or women, for that matter, for they will always be jealous and keep finding fault with you, especially if they think that they are more 'senior' than you as far as duration is concerned.

For the love of all that is heavenly, I feel like hugging the officer when she flashed out the draft. I am so happy with this Malaysian made self-benchmarking! I love thee, Malaysia.

I want to share an article published in The Sun that had jolted my friends' dissatisfaction of being branded as "passive diplomats". My 2 cents view on this - DIPLOMATS/DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT HOLDERS ARE NOT ONLY OFFICIALS FROM THE FOREIGN MINISTRY, if you get what I mean.

SPEAK UP! :: theSun Says

Let’s have more suave and intrepid diplomats

TAN SRI Hasmy Agam, the executive chairman of the Institute of Diplomacy and Foreign Relations (IDFR), has done a great service to Malaysia by exposing the country’s “state secret” – that our government officials especially diplomats are often rendered tongue-tied and speechless when they come face to face with foreigners. They probably break into cold sweat when hailed by their foreign counterparts at an investment or security seminar or even at a cocktail reception or informal dinner.

Thus it is not surprising to find most Malaysian officials grouping together at these functions out of sheer fear or shyness of having to interact with officials of other countries. Everyone knows that it is at such functions that contacts are made and information exchanged, all in the service of king and country. Thus Malaysia’s cause in this globalised world is certainly not well served by sending officers of the type described by Hasmy abroad or even to interact with foreign representatives in the country. Malaysia can talk with other countries only through its officials but if its officials cannot talk because of poor command of the foremost international language – English – or because they are shy how can it find out important unpublished details about another country. Hasmy, a seasoned diplomat, knows that sometimes poor command of English renders an official reluctant to interact and thus avoid attending cocktail receptions or dinners.

One complaint of Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad when he was prime minister was that Malaysia failed to be properly informed because officials sent abroad often avoid attending cocktails, informal dinners or other functions where information, not available officially, can sometimes be obtained.

He knew only too well that knowledge is power. A lot of taxpayers’ money is spent on “putting our men abroad” to be “listening posts” for the country. Thus, it is a waste of money if they do not listen. And a waste of good money, too, if they cannot talk. When they cannot talk they cannot argue and persuade, which is what diplomacy is all about.

So with these kind of officials how can Malaysia’s cause be served especially at the negotiating tables. It is no wonder that we may have suffered some setbacks internationally as a result of these officials inability to present the country’s cases well and to forward them. It is at times like these that many hark back to the days when Malaysia was well served by suave and intrepid diplomats such as Ghazali Shafie, Zainal Abidin Sulong, Zain Azrai, Albert Talala, R. Ramani and Razali Ismail.

Thus something has to be done quickly to make our officials serving abroad to be imbued with qualities of the men that had served in the “golden age of Malaysian diplomacy”. Even though national leaders communicate with each other directly through the Internet and hot lines – thus making diplomacy no longer what it used to be – there is still a need for “officers on the ground” who can talk and listen well.

Updated: 09:41AM Wed, 26 May 2010

Why I Love Kings of Leon

2010-05-02T23:08:00.003+12:00

Kings of Leon is an epitome of what I define as romantic in a macho and manly way - their songs are awesome; rock solid, deep, concerted, and meaningful lyrics. A mix of southern rock, sometime with a taste of blues and grunge alternative. Considering that the Followil brothers hail from Nashville, we cannot discount the chances that their music may sound slightly country to some extent.

Use Somebody is particularly my favourite, for it has a flavour of a man in need of someone in his empty life, after roaming and looking down to see that he can use somebody like the one he saw. The song is deeply touching and meaningful, yet it devoid putting the man in a flavour of neediness. In a simple English, the man is safely expressing his need for someone without being seen as losing his macho traits. I love the intro, Caleb's voice is awesome!

But to end this entry, I am pasting a link to access Charmer, one of their best!

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

Anggun

2010-04-29T23:40:00.002+12:00

It has been a really really long time since I last posted an entry. Cannot really cite any reason why, but one of them would be, that I felt in love, really really head over heels with the whole Twilight saga, that I practically spend everyday and night reading, watching the movies, googling about Rob and Kristen, and started my own collection of Rob Pattinson's movies pre-Twilight (except HARRY POTTER).

But a wise friend of mine, who has had to put up with my ramblings of being bored etc suggested for me to update my blog, hence it gave me a purpose to kill time. So here you go, an anggun entry from an amateur drama queen like myself ahaha!

What have I been doing since 2010 began 4 months ago?

Quite a lot actually, too many to mention. Had 3 delegations visiting this tiny country of the Kiwis, studying the system and policies that have been implemented here for consideration of best practices to be introduced in Malaysia. To cut the long story short, I learned a lot of lessons during my attachment with the delegations, so yes, more new things to discover and to learn. Worse, it made me miss Malaysia too. The sweet aroma of teh tarik at mamak dispute Presint 9, "mana ada mahal".

I watched Miss Saigon on its closing day, oh and it was so touching that I had to sob quietly to avoid being heard by others. And movies, I have been watching movies endlessly beginning with Mao's Last Dancer, to Miley Cyrus' Last Song (don't ask me why I watch Miley Cyrus!), to Clash of the Titans and the ever gorgeous Sam Worthington, and not to forget my dearest Rob Pattinson in Remember Me! And last week it was a date with Mariko to watch Dear John. Channing Tatum was so hot and good looking that I forget about the storyline as I was busy admiring and envying Amanda Seyfried for the chance to romance him on screen! Mariko, who was seated next to me, sobbed not so quietly that I had to offer her my M&M to calm her down.

When I told her that our next date will be to watch Letters for Juliet, she sheepishly teased me as a hopeless romantic, something which I cannot deny nor admit outright.

And it was Kak Shidah's birthday yesterday, we had a great dinner party at a friend's house that ended up with a dancing session until 12 pm!

So all in all, it has been an anggun way of starting 2010 for me. My first quarter of 2010 (Q1) has been blessed with love, compassion and happiness, and for that, thank you Allah s.w.t.

I think I want to end by quoting from my favourite writer, the man who had given us A Walk To Remember, Dear John, The Last Song, The Notebook, Message In A Bottle and many more, Nicholas Sparks. This is a line from Dear John which I love most:

"And when her lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever."

Kau Aku

2010-01-10T00:06:00.003+13:00

Kau dan aku, adalah satu
Tak kira apa
Segala rintihan aku, engkau selalu ada
Biar kata memisah kita
Biarkan saja
Kerana terbiasa

Mengejar mimpi, yang pasti akan aku
Sentiasa merasa kehilanganmu
Ku akan tunggu saat bertemu
Tiada henti
Walau dimana kita berdiri
Di dalam dunia ini
Biar sampai akhirnya nanti

Semua tak terang di mataku ,walau warnanya menyala
Ingin merasa namun aku takkan cuba
Biar kata memisah kita
Biarkan saja
Kerana terbiasa

Mengejar mimpi, yang pasti akan aku
Sentiasa merasa kehilanganmu
Ku akan tunggu saat bertemu
Tiada henti
Walau dimana kita berdiri
Di dalam dunia ini
Biar sampai akhirnya nanti
Akhirnya nanti

On Defending "Allah" and Maintaining Public Order

2010-01-06T00:54:00.002+13:00

On Dec 31, High Court Judge Datuk Lau Bee Lan ruled that pursuant to Articles 11 and 12 of the Federal Constitution, the Herald had the constitutional right to use the word in respect of instruction and education of the congregation in the Christian religion. However, she also said that pursuant to Article 11(4) of the Federal Constitution, it was an offence for non-Muslims to use the word "Allah" to Muslims to propagate the religion but it was not an offence for non-Muslims to use the word to non-Muslims for the purpose of religion..

The use of the word "Allah" by church's publication "Herald" has generated mix reactions in Malaysia. Several Islamic scholars and groups are against the ruling by the High Court on the ground that it will confuse the Muslims hence destabilizing national security. Against the backdrop of "1Malaysia" propagated by the current Premier, such occurrence of religious rift reared is set to challenge our tolerance of each other.

While it is understandable that some Muslims may be confused with Christians coining "Allah" in its publication, the other spectrum of the equation presented us the opportunity to be more accommodating of other religion who have long embraced Allah as The God in their religion. The Herald, which is printed in four languages, has been using the word 'Allah' as a translation for 'God' in its Malay-language section. The word 'Allah' is widely used among the indigenous Christian groups in Sabah and Sarawak, most of whom speak Bahasa Malaysia.

The court ruling however has clearly indicated that it is an offence for non-Muslims to use the word to Muslims as propagation, but it is not an offence for the Christians to use "Allah" to fulfill their religion requirement. If we take offence of the issue, we may as well ask ourselves why do we tolerate the uttering of "Amen" by Christians, akin to us ending our prayers with "Amin". Would not that be confusing to our little ones too, especially if they attend primary at schools like St. Mary, Convent, St. Paul etc? Or are we not confused that nuns do cover themselves like the Muslim ladies for instance, despite practicing different religions of their choice?

Wouldn't we get upset if we are Muslim minority residing in a predominantly Christian country, only to be told that the State would want to regulate the attire we wear for prayers, for fear that it may resemble a nun's appearance, that in return will confuse the Christians hence threatening the national security?

Let us not let religious differences to rear its ugly head in Malaysia, Amin.

Collection of Poems by Me

2010-01-06T00:39:00.002+13:00

Hollow

The night is quiet and dark
Like every other nights before me
Oh dark night please listen to my hollowness
The night makes me not solid
Hollow
Like a dagger that had stabbed me in my chest

I am devoid of your presence
Conversing only in the state of mind
Breathing as if trying to dismember my aching heart
Soliciting better days to fill my void and empty spirit
The chirping birds are roaring and the journey is unwavering
Inside I'm burning
and drowning
Silence is the night

These are my words
Written from somewhere in the dark
Finding its way into your heart
To be yours only

by: naza83, 5 July 2007, UKM

Thank You, Allah

2009-12-10T00:45:00.003+13:00

Alhamdulillah, let us pray for better days ahead, let us all be better Muslims in days to come, God abiding and respectful of others regardless of their religion, age, race or social strata. Life is too beautiful to be spoiled by greed, jealousy, vendetta, rivalry, defamation, gossips, etc. Let us all strive towards equipping ourselves with amal ibadat to be carried with us to life hereafter. Let us all pray may He will membezakan yang hak dan yang batil, Amin. If there are anyone have sabotaged you or defamed you, let us all pray for the person to be returned to the right path. "O Allah, if such and such person is cruel against me, please punish him."

“Wahai Tuhan Kami, berilah kami perasaan takut kepadamu yang dapat menghalang kami dari kemaksiatan dan berilah kami ketaatan kepadamua yang menyampaikan kami ke syurgamu, dan berilah dan berilah keyakinan yang memudahkan kami menghadapi bencana di dunia.”

“Wahai tuhan kami berilah kami kenikmatan pendengaran, penglihatan dan kekuatan tubuh badan selama hidup kami dan jadikanlah dia mewarisi kami dan berilah pembalasan kepada orang yang menzalimi kami. Dan tolonglah kami terhadap orang yang memusuhi kami.Dan janganlah engkau jadikan bencana bagi kami dalam ugama kami dan janganlah jadikan keduniaan sebesar-besar cita-citanya dami dan tidak sampai batasan ilmu kami. Dan janganlah Engkau biarkan orang yang tidak menaruh kasihan balas terhadap kami, dapat menguasai ke atas kami.”

“Wahai Tuhan kami, kami pohon perlindungna dengan nur kesucian engkau dan berkat kebersihan dan keagungan sifat jalal engkau, dari setiap yang datang waktu malam kecuali yang datang dengan baik.” “Wahai tuhan kami, engkaulah penolong kami, maka kepada engkau kami mohon pertolongna. Wahai tuhan kami, engkaulah tempat kami menyelamatkan diri, maka kepada engkaulah kami pohon selamat. Wahai tuhan bagilah kelemahan dan kehinaan yang mana segala tengkuk pembesar dunia.”

“Dan tunduk kepadanya segala urusan dan kebesaran raja-raja Firaun, selamatkan kami dari penghinaan dan hukuman siksamu, ketika malam atau siang, ketika kami tidur atau berada di suatu tempat. Tiada tuhan bagi kami melainkan engkau demi kebesaran wajah engkau dan kemuliaan kesucian engkau, hindarkanlah kami dari segala kejahatan hamba-hamba engkau, berilah kemudahan kepada kami dengan limpah kurnia dari engkau wahai tuhan yang maha pemurah.”

“Wahai Tuhan sama ada engkau lembutkan hati-hati mereka untuk kami sebagaimana kamu lembutkan besi untuk Nabi Daud, dan kamu menundukkan mereka seperti seperti kamu tundukkan bukit bukau, gunung ganang untuk Nabi Sulaiman atau pun kamu lipat balik rancnagan jahat mereka supaya berpatah balik ke atas mereka sendiri , dan kamu hancur leburkan pakatan mereka dan kacau bilaukan kumpulan mereka dan goncangkan pendirian mereka dan Ya Allah turunkan bendera mereka rapat ke bumi, Wahai Tuhan yang tetap hidup yang mentadbir urusan makhluknya, Wahai Tuhan yang mempunyai keagungna dan kemuliaan, sesungguhnya Engkau berkuasa di atas tiap-tiap sesuatu.”

“Ya Allah Tuhan kami, limpahkanlah rahmat ke atas junjungna kami Nabi Muhammad S.A.W yang dengannya dapat emngubati hati dan menjadikan penawar, menyihatkan badan yang menyembuhkannya, menjadi cahaya bagi pandangan mata dan menyinarkannnya dan limpahkanlah rahmat dan kesejahteraan kepada keluarga dan para sahabat baginda sekalian.” Ya Allah Ya tuhanku aku tak berdaya lagi utk menjaga agamaMU kerana amat kuat serangan yg datang dari pelbagai cara. Oleh itu aku minta kepadaMU pertahankan agamaMU sebagaimana ENGKAU mempertahankan rumahMU dr serangan tentera abrahah.

Surah An Nisaa'

2009-10-27T23:40:00.003+13:00

Sometime I miss the days when I was in SMAP Labu. A good school to be, what I gleaned then, I use them now. Syukran ya ustaz wa ustazah, akhi wa ukhti.

Ayat : 112]
112. And he who commits a fault or a crime and then charges an innocent man with it, shall bear on himself the guilt of calumny and a flagrant crime.

[Ayat : 113]
113. But for Allah's Grace and Mercy(156), on you (O Muhammad) a party of them would indeed resolve to lead you astray; but they will mislead none but themselves, nor can they do you any harm. And (apart from that) Allah has revealed to you the Book (the Qur?an) and wisdom (profound knowledge), and taught you what you did not know before. And the grace of Allah upon you is indeed great.

[Ayat : 114]
114. There is no virtue in much of their secret talks: except (the secret talks) of the one who enjoins charity, kindness and making peace among men. And he who does this to please Allah We shall in time grant him an immense reward.

OFFICE POLITICS: PERSONALITIES IN THE WORKPLACE

2009-10-27T15:28:00.002+13:00

Chilling out after a day of MNZFTA R&D....and perhaps a good reflection article on people we meet everyday at our work place ehehee....

1. Let’s have a meeting before a meeting

These people thrive in big offices where they can spend their days going to meeting after meeting instead of actually working.

2. How the hell did they get their job?
Every office has one – the person who never fails to baffle their co-workers with their incompetence.

3. I hurry, therefore I am
This type lives on a steady diet of stress – they can’t work without pressure and everything must be done in a rush even if there is no need for it.

4. I’m sick but too important to go home
These people flatter themselves that they are indispensable. They think the world will stop if they don’t go to work.

5. You must respect my authority
These types patronise those younger than them and have an inflated sense of their own importance. They are fond of lecturing their co-workers about how if they play their cards right, they might one day end up like them.

6. Have you seen whatshisname?
These people have a few clever tactics for how to not be around. They’ll leave their jacket on the chair and say I’ll be back in five minutes, then you won’t see them for three days.

7. Someone more important has come up
These types think nothing of ordering you in for a meeting, then taking a phone call and ignoring you for half an hour while you wait patiently.

8. I’m actually really nice
These people use email to devastating effect – they think nothing of writing a nasty note and concluding it with a smiley note.

9. I know stuff before you do
These people love to spread bad news. They feed off misery and love knowing before everyone else that job cuts are coming – which they will spread around the office with glee.

10. I, I….I
These types step in at the last minute and take all the credit for any success, without actually doing any of the work.

New Zealand Herald
Sunday, 6 September 2009

Bukit Kepong

2009-10-26T23:57:00.002+13:00

It is my favourite movie for all time. How courageous the heroes were in defending our country. "Mereka telah gugur sebagai pahlawan demi mempertahankan negara ke titisan darah yang terakhir".

Alfatihah. Semoga roh ditempatkan di sisi orang-orang bertakwa di sisi Allah.

MNZFTA

2009-10-23T08:37:00.000+13:00

From NZ Herald. Good news for thee, Malaysia

Top ministers head off on Asian trade blitz By Audrey Young

John Key leaves today for the East Asia Summit in Thailand - his first stop in something of an Asian blitz by New Zealand to cement relationships with important new Governments.

The Prime Minister will be joined in Thailand by Foreign Minister Murray McCully.

The pair will also visit Japan next week where the new Government of Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama is settling into office.

After Thailand, Mr McCully will go to South Korea where he will meet new Prime Minister Chung Un-chan among others.

Mr Key will head to Malaysia on Sunday and Monday with Trade Minister Tim Groser, who will sign the free trade agreement with Malaysia.

Malaysia Prime Minister Sri Najib has held office only since April.

This week Mr Groser, a former ambassador to Indonesia and top trade official, has been at the inauguration in Indonesia of re-elected President Susilo Bambang Yudhyono.

Mr McCully said New Zealanders might not realise the importance that Asia has played "in underpinning our economy during the economic downturn".

New Zealand, for example, had a 62 per cent increase in exports to China last year and its economy was back at 8 per cent growth.

There had been a dramatic increase in exports to Indonesia.

Exports to Vietnam had doubled in five years and New Zealand was putting in a "fair amount of work" into that relationship.

New Zealand had a free trade agreement with China, had negotiated one with Malaysia, was negotiating one with South Korea, and the Asean-Australia-New Zealand Free Trade Agreement was due to take effect on January 1.

"Those pieces of paper also require some follow-up at both a ministerial and a commercial level," he told the Herald.

"There's a lot of work going into consolidating on progress that has been made as well as making new progress."

The East Asia summit involves the 10 countries of Asean - Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, Singapore, Laos, Cambodia, Myanmar, Brunei, the Philippines and Indonesia - who will meet first.

The addition of New Zealand, Australia, South Korea, India, China and Japan completes the East Asia Summit membership.

If it manages to be held, it will be only the fourth meeting of the summit.

And it is the third attempt to hold the summit in Thailand, with tens of thousands of security forces expected to be present in the coastal town of Hua Hin.

Two previous attempts were postponed because of civil unrest, the most recent in Pattaya in April.

Of primary interest to New Zealand at the East Asia summit will be a report on a proposed Comprehensive Economic Partnership in East Asia, initiated by Japan. Mr Key said it had the potential to create the largest free trade area in the world.

TARGETING EAST ASIA

John Key
Thailand, Malaysia, Japan.

Murray McCully
Thailand, South Korea, Japan.

Tim Groser
Indonesia, Malaysia.

Family

2009-10-13T10:28:00.001+13:00

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found ‘em, out by the tree.

I picked ‘em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ‘em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

BITCHOLOGY

2009-10-13T00:46:00.001+13:00

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.

It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle 'anything'

So ladies, PROUD TO BE YOURSELF !

Alfatihah

2009-10-07T00:31:00.005+13:00

Today, I finally understand the meaning of "missing important family moments when you are posted abroad", an adage I often heard from senior colleagues back home, when they related to me the meaning of sacrifices one have to make, being an officer attach to this organization of ours.

Arwah Tok Chu, passed away at Hospital Seremban, and my last memory of him was when I visited him & Wan Chu before I left for posting. Ironically, it was wanchu who was terminally sick at the point when I visited them, but in the end, Allah loves him more than we do. Alfatihah.

My memories of him are varied, one of them is his hobby to drive around Seremban in his Mercedes alone, like an MP visiting his constituency. A man with good sense of humor, and a great source of strength for my wanchu too, at times when she was down and sick. I wish I am there joining my other family members but I can always recite Yasin for him from afar. The taste of losing a family member is not a pleasant one, no wonder those who had experienced it prefer if they do not have to go through the ordeal again.

I hope it is not tot late to wish Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin to all. I have been spending days attending open houses and reading economic materials to improve my understanding of the issue. By now I realized that it is easier to understand the political games played by Washington DC, Beijing, Tel Aviv, London, Moscow, Tokyo and etc rather than analyzing numbers and figures from NYSE, Statistics New Zealand, GDP Quarter 6, so on and so forth. Hence the need to read and write more economic reporting as to ensure that I will be able to comprehend and explain the significance of the increased volume of import from Malaysia to New Zealand from May-August 2009.

Still, I miss the days when I would sit down and read through all the articles and predictions on climate change and began drafting pointers for access and benefit sharing of biodiversity resources in Malaysia, or to prepare notes on hazardous substances that are threatening the ozone layer and are imported through sea navigation, which may or may not have Malaysia as a country of origin or destination.

And, it is the time of the year again when visitors from Kuala Lumpur will come to this beautiful and friendly land of Kiwi. I love the fact that people in New Zealand acknowledge the importance of Malaysia as to accord privileges befit of a visit to ink a cooperation agreement on human capitals and resources issue. Let us march forward towards becoming a high-income nation, Insya Allah.

But above all, I am still pondering on people's selective behavior in front of VVIP and contemporaries, a reflection of Malaysia's overzealous attachment to status, fame and glory (especially self-glory). Cheers to my organization which so far, have been successful in training us to love nation above self, be it while we are serving at home or abroad. My next assignment will include drafting a paper on Malaysia's foreign policy as it fits in Asia-Pacific context, especially New Zealand. Time to pour out all the ideas and observations which span across issues - trade, nuclear disarmament, non-proliferation, human rights, interfaith dialogue, terrorism, environment, labour, economic, education, defence, intelligence and etc.

Despite the pain losing a family member while I am posted abroad, the satisfaction in knowing that I am doing something for the soil that I belong to, remind me again of the meaning of sacrifices. My family is in sadness, crying and grieving tokchu's loss, my other half is out and about in the other side of the world, trying to put things together for the continuation of Malaysia-Libya bilateral relations, and here I am, on my own charting my to-do list for tomorrow, where I will be attached to a ministerial delegation 24-7 to learn about New Zealand's labour policy issues.

Not quite a posh life as a diplomat, but rather a colourful journey of a nomadic officer who more often than not, have to give 200% than usual to ensure that favourable outcome for the country shall not be compromised with lackadaisical attitude as a typical public servant whose priorities in life are to get fast-track promotion, to be noticed by the higher ups in any way thats possible (normally by sucking up to the best that they could), or by constantly showing signs of insecurity by an uncalled competitive behaviour, which is not classy at all.

Before I pen off, I am listing Gucci as the next thing to purchase, since it has been quite a while that I shopped. Or perhaps Anya Hindmarch has a better offering. Argh..choices are terrible to make, especially when it involves handbags!

Adios......

The World We Are In

2009-08-11T23:23:00.002+12:00

The climate change road map towards Copenhagen seems dark and unpromising. New Zealand's announcement of 10%-20% emissions reduction target are a vague commitment, given that the fruition of its commitment will depend largely on the agreement reached in Copenhagen on a "global emissions reduction target".

This was not the language of New Zealand 2 years ago in Bali, where the delegation successfully brokered a midway between the developed and developing countries in finding a consensus to conclude work on AWG on further commitments of Annex I Parties under KP. Today, the midway consensus is absent, has been replaced with "pragmatic" and "healthy dose of realism" approach that is already giving us some prologue on how the negotiations in Copenhagen will be like.

It is with a healthy dose of realism that I think we should stop and stare at the world we are in today, and reflect upon things that have hampered our integration as a global village community or a unified society in a diverse world. Have we achieved what we set out to get when world leaders gathered in Rio in 92 to agree on agreements that will either make or break the environment (earth, air, water etc) we reside in now?

The financial crisis has brought down market confidence to its worst level ever, investments are slow and almost non-existence in some part of the world, world trade is still imbalanced, with capitalist beginning to adopt an inward view of protectionism and "nationalist" approach to entice and reinvigorate its economy. Problem is, being more protectionists than before will not remedy the fallacy in our lack of regulations and monitoring of the market that we trusted our credit, dollar and cents into, for it is the open, free and liberal market that have failed us. People on the street (any Jane and Joe) do not necessarily enjoy the wealth of a nation similarly the poorest of the poor in our world may not gain much from the promised 0.7% ODA from GDP as stipulated in the Monterrey Consensus to lift countries out of poverty.

At the height of the economic crisis, social fabrication of the world's global village is again under threat, not literally from terrorists in form of humans but in form of swine flu (I wonder why pigs are not killed systematically on a large scale unlike the avian families during the occurrence of avian flu). Was it an orchestrated biological and chemical weapons testing to stimulate economy of tamiflu producing countries? Perhaps it is such a big conspiracy theory for one to think of.

People-to-people's relations have not seen any betterment either, living one to ponder if all this idea of globalisation really work to bring us all closer (thanks to ICT revolution) or the border-less world only serve to reinstate our differences in ideology, way of life, political spectrum, varied governance etc? While democracy is a good thing in country A, it does not automatically qualify democracy as in Country A to be applicable in the same manner if it were to be implemented or imposed on country B, for instance. Every country took a different pathway towards building its nation, hence no one country is more superior than others, thus disqualifying any country to act as an imposer of good qualities to others. We should encourage, engage, entice and empathize, rather than to coerce, isolate, prejudice and stereotyping.

This is the world we are in. It is far from perfect, but we live a good life in the short period of time that we are given. Why change the world when we have not changed the way we appreciate the world for what it has given us?

Solitude in Fiji

2009-04-28T00:56:00.002+12:00

Air Pacific landed safely on the soil of Fiji. Blessed, I could not ask for more with His blessings and rahmat. Work has indeed taken me to places, and granted me the chance to meet people from all walks of life.

There is something significant about my Fiji trip that I decided to pen down my thoughts albeit briefly on the blog. But I can't exactly determine what is that something yet I still write.

I find solitude here, away from the prejudice and mind boggling issues that often make me smile in awe and gasp hopefully. I love every minute of the time I spent for my work, and I have no qualms about it.

Perhaps I miss the company of all the friends who used to be under the same roof when we were in KL. Although we are no longer under the same roof, I trust we all love what we do and will always cherish the experiences and lessons in life that we picked up along the way.

Cheers to the friendship, I miss you guys.

You To Me

2009-04-14T23:30:00.002+12:00

Your eyes are paler than the first time when ours locked
The smell of your sweet solitary lips
Inviting and dazzling
Blessed
Soon you will melt in me

I could not stop this urge to wanting to make you mine
Now or never
Silently, firmly
I will grasp you

You are a drug
To my sanity
Coldness and
Ghastly fears
No love can survive muteness

To love you
Is to opium a mud
and relent it to the sound of desolation

Alas
You take my hands
And walk with me
In pain
In isolation
In love

Your beauty radiates my sight
The smell of you lingering
Wanting to bury it within me

ayuniza@Wellington

A New Beginning

2009-03-10T22:52:00.005+13:00

My new Cuban friend taught me to write, at least one or two sentences in a diary, of events and highlights that struck and inspire me most throughout my stint serving abroad. He has been to many places before and Wellington happens to be the place where he will end his career before resuming to his favourite past time - writing.

Of course when he said write, literally he meant to write in a book/diary using pen/pencil. It may work wonders for a classic like him but for me, one of the many of the Generation Y who have modified and literally taken writing to a notch higher - by writing a.k.a typing in our notebook and of course, blog.

I will begin by jotting down the highlight of the day where I launched my responsibility as one of the many serving abroad at the expense of the taxpayers back home. It was on a beautiful and cloudy Commonwealth Day, 9 March 2009. Fearing that I would arrive late, I approached the entrance of the Wellington Cathedral of St Paul sharp at 5.20 pm, although in the invitation card we were advised to be seated by 5.50 pm. Such was the anxiety I felt inside not to tarnish the good image of our country in the simplest way that I could - punctuality.

While we were lining up before procession into the main hall, we had the chance to meet and greet the charismatic PM Key, who arrived casually with a simpler number of security personnel if I could compare to where I come from. So then the observance and prayer began. There were verses recited from the holy books of Al-Quran, Hindu, Buddha, and Christian. The verses preach for tolerance, unity and respect for diversity and differences. Even speeches from the Governor General (reading the Queen's message) and the PM's remarks were not as long as the speech of Kate Winslet winning her first Oscar after 5 failed attempts.

Then came reception, and oh how touched I was to see the placard labeling the food as halal, thus making it easier for me to just grab the cute little pie and sushi to fill my empty stomach. Sure the reception here is not as massive (in term of the volume of food) as in Malaysia. Still, a reception is a reception and I was very inspired and motivated to see how age, race, seniority and ranking were not the prerequisite or hindrances to greet and approach one another before indulging into a conversation.

I went home feeling happy and satisfied to be able to meet new friends and to introduce the beauty of Malaysian made crafts - silver, batik, brooch, and etc through the accessories and attire I wore. That would be among the simplest way to promote my country - by presenting to them the best that we have, save for the Rado Jubilee on my left hand which does not have a root in Malaysia.

By writing this I have kept my word to my Cuban friend - to write interesting events that happen to me in a day hoping that someday, the content will be sufficient to be collated as a book.

Everything has a new beginning and I pray that the days ahead would be filled with blessings and humility to assist me in my quest of serving the nation.

Becoming Siti Khadijah

2009-03-02T00:15:00.005+13:00

When were younger, the world to us was like a big playground full of fun and jigsaws that we commit ourselves into solving to the best that we could. Gradually we grow older and gratefully wiser we gradually minimize the meaning of joy and fun that we thought life has to give. And the biggest crunch comes when we land ourselves in trouble, a big one, and we realize that the people we call friends turn their back against us and begin to withdraw their pledge of BFF and muah muah muah because we no longer serve any purpose in their social calendar or political diary.

Mahatma Gandhi once taught his followers that when we are confronted with an enemy, conquer him with love. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w loved all his subjects regardless of their religion and ethnicity. Our beloved Prophet endured the toughest period of having to disseminate Islam as the first Prophet arising not from the previous Bani. The trial had landed Prophet in the hardest and loneliest journey bestowed upon any man, servant towards Allah s.w.t. Yet it was during the early days of spreading Allah that the role of women in the lives grown to be more significant, valued and accorded the respect it deserved, quite a contrast to the hard prejudice instigated against them previously before the arrival of Islam.

The struggle to spread Islam gave birth to the great ladies who had since changed the course of the world - Rabiatul Adawiyah, Sumayyah, Masyitah, Maryam, Fatimah, Aisyah, and above all, was the Prophet's first wife - the great lady by the name of Siti Khadijah. Today, women find themselves again in a familiar territory of biasness and vilification for being women, said to be of the second class citizen. Feminists worldwide struggle to put up papers and journals aimed at proving that we are not that weak and bad and that all these words said about our roles and functions as a friend, girlfriend, wife, mother, boss, co-worker, leader and anything that we choose to be are mere lies. More often than not, we forget to recheck the history and learn how these great Muslim ladies in the past have proven their worth and struggle during the great depression days upon conversion to Islam. They prevail and stood their ground against all odds and their story remains to be treasured and remembered until today.

I myself have forgotten the stories of these great ladies for I became more occupied to study about Hillary Clinton, Madam Albright, Cherrie Blair and all those liberal and tough ladies of the West deemed to be the new face of the world who, despite living in a modern and liberated world, still have to discard their family name to take after their husband’s name. Indeed we Muslims are lucky for we get to keep our family name to ourselves despite marrying our husbands, but we know for ourselves the responsibility and expectations that come with the akad and ijab. Hillary Rodham Clinton was even blamed by her husband’s followers when he lost the Governor of Arkansas' seat sometime in the 80s in a great democratic land by the name of the United States of America. I can bet that no politician in Malaysia will be defeated by his opponent if going by the same excuse.

Siti Khadijah srikandi sejati

Kaulah lambang cinta sejati
Srikandi pertama tika islam bermula
Hatimu menyalakan keyakinan
Hartamu membuktikan pengorbanan

Rasul keseorangan engkaulah teman
Dia tersisih engkau memilihnya
Dia terbuang engkau menyayanginya
Kerana iman kau sanggup berjuang

Siti Khadijah namamu indah
Qudwah hasanah tauladan ummah
Jikalau rasul terpinggir
Engkaulah insan terhampir

Siti Khadijah mujahidah solehah
Agung jasamu dipersada sejarah
Pemergianmu ditangisi nabi
Hingga kini tiada pengganti

Sunyi jalan menuju Allah
Menggamit hati mencari teman
Indah jalan menuju allah
Jika teman seperti Khadijah
Masih ada lagi

Every Night Gaza Cries

2009-01-12T04:35:00.002+13:00

The world has been silenced by the lambs of Israeli tanks and military might that all we could do is only watch and watch and watch. Protests held worldwide did nothing to change the status quo, and our brothers and sisters in Gaza are still soaked in blood, some perished without even saying goodbye to their loved ones. Surely, someday we will review January 2009 in history and blamed ourselves for not being able to do anything to help the civilians who died even if they seek shelter at a UN school. Why shouldn't we? The Israeli bombed the school happily, thus declaring to the world that if US is the world police, then Israel is undeniably the God of all axis of Evil.

Where is the voice of ICC Prosecutor Moreno-Ocampo shouting genocide in Gaza? Hasn't there be any move to charge Israel with charges of crime against humanity? Nay, I heard nothing from ICC. This isn't genocide, this is Israel in its self-defense mood. Wow, how about Israel in its attacking mood? Well, Al-Quran will have an answer to that. Read it now and do share with us what do you think about a bani that has never been happy and grateful with what they have? Thus, that explains why they recklessly took the land from the Palestinians.

This isn't a war as simple as one versus another. This war has many complicated layers upon it. It has the ingredient of a clash of Sunni and Shiah before it progresses to the strive of a Palestinian state. I wonder if UK would be able to clean their sins for it was because of them, that an Israeli state was formed on the land of the Palestinian in 1948. I am certain that Allah and God in every religion will reward the perpetrators accordingly when the time comes.

Interestingly, this terrorist state of Israel voted against the adoption of the Rome Statute of the International Criminal court but later signed it. In 2002 Israel submitted a letter to the United Nations declaring that it did not intend to ratify the treaty, joining their lover the United States of America as usual. Israel states that it has "deep sympathy" with the goals of the court. However, it has concerns that political pressure on the court would lead it to reinterpret international law or to "invent new crimes". It cites the inclusion of "the transfer of parts of the civilian population of an occupying power into occupied territory" as a war crime as an example of this, whilst at the same time disagrees with the exclusion of terrorism and drug trafficking. Israel sees the powers given to the prosecutor as excessive and the geographical appointment of judges as disadvantaging Israel which is prevented from joining any of the UN Regional Groups. Hypocrite, selfish, self-centric and yes, they are often the one with the upper hands in charting the course of the world order.

One could crash Hamas but one could never crash Allah s.w.t and His mighty will. I hope perseverance is a good word to define the primary need demanded from my brothers and sisters in Gaza. Yet I hope someday the truth will wash away this unjust treatment to the poor and those stateless men, women and children of Palestine whose dream is only one - to see a Palestinian state reinstated to them after it was taken away by the world bosses as a payment to their inability to react during WWI and WWII.

Palestine was sacrificed to fulfill the political greed of the West. Palestine was an atonement of what they were not able to do to assist the Jews. Today, Gaza is victimized, crushed and wronged at all costs. Yet, they still fight on drawing upon the strength of ordinary citizens who have longed for a state of their own. Sadly, when this aspiration aligned them in the same camp with Hamas, Israel waited for no tide to immediately declare that everyone in Gaza is Hamas because they want a Palestinian state. Kill one Palestinian, Israel will be rewarded with 1000 of world's glory. Drink the blood of Gaza and Israel will live on eternally. Screw the rest, let Israel alone survives.

Since 1948, every night Gaza cries. Yet, the world still remain as still as it was because it is only 1000 Palestinians killed since Gaza raid. In Israel's term, it's not worth screaming for justice unless if it is one Israeli murdered by US made mortar launched from Israel's own death zone.

2009 welcomes us to hell on earth, so enjoy it people while we can!

Negeri Sembilan Mourns the Passing of A Great Ruler

2008-12-28T14:29:00.004+13:00

Alfatihah, belasungkawa kepada kerabat Negeri Sembilan atas kemangkatan Yang Dipertuan Besar Tunku Jaafar Tuanku Abdul Rahman pada 28 Disember 2008 tepat jam 11.45 pagi di HTJ.

Negeri Sembilan is known for many reasons- Port Dickson, Nilai 3, TKC, SMAP Labu, SDAR, Hattan, Apo Kono eh Jang, Aidil Zafuan and Zaquan Adha, and above all,its unique and strongly formed matrilineal society. In our society, a mother plays a crucial role in holding the family together. She is the force that unites and drive that ignite our passion and determination. It does not mean that she rules the house, but it means she is a priority and no matter how high her children will fly and go, they must always return to be with the mother of the house-ibu rumah.

Like any other rakyat Melayu whose loyalty lies with their Kings, we, too salute and respect our Yang Dipertuan Besat because he is a symbol of unity and our dignity as a society, a reminiscence of our glittering history and origin in this country. YDPB was a people's ruler. I remember fondly a musical performance that I was involved in 1989, to mark the 'graduation' from my kindergarten - Tadika Cumi Ciki in which Tunku Jaafar was the VVIP. It was a grand celebration held at the Dewan DUN Negeri adjacent to Istana Hinggap. Tunku enjoyed our performance so much that at the end of the concert, each of us were given presents specially bought and brought to us.

And when Negeri Sembilan hosted SUKMA in 2004, Tunku visited mostly all sporting venues if not to cheer for Negeri Sembilan, that would be to visit the athletes and talk to them. I remembered vividly the painful defeat we had to endure when Negeri Sembilan was beaten by Kelantan in the final match of rugby. Although I was not the player, I too felt the disappointment as if we have disappointed our great ruler who has always cheered and supported team Negeri Sembilan all the way through.

I spend my tertiary education attending a university in which Tunku was the Chancellor and truthfully, Tunku's speech during any event hosted by the uni and in which Tunku attended reflected his genuine commitment to the cause of education, unity and togetherness as one nation. Tunku never missed to attend any functions hosted by UKM, such was his commitment that often make me proud to have my ruler as my chancellor too. Tunku was also a career diplomat, with his postings include places like New York, London, Washington, Ghana, and Egypt. Negeri Sembilan loss a great ruler.

Yet, whatever legend passed on by Tunku will always be cherished and remembered because we love Negeri Sembilan and we love our ruler too. Today onwards, Negeri Sembilan mourns the passing of a great ruler.

Alfatihah.

Before 2008 Ends

2008-12-26T14:25:00.003+13:00

..before 2009 begins I would have settled my outstanding assignments before logging off from HQ and begin my next assignment elsewhere. Before I proceed, Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, may this year's celebration brings you joy, love and eternal happiness.

A day after Christmas, the office is quiet as many people take this opportunity to take long holiday. I have not had the chance yet to do so, sadly even if I am on leave my phone will ring everyday at 8 am as some people with no efforts to do work before bothering others, will find it more convenient and easy to bother others.

Laziness, coupled with attitude will create a limbo bimbo out of any genius who thinks that th world is as easy as it looks. Yet this breed of people are the ones who would be the first to advertise themselves at any opportunity to make themselves appear good and reliable. yet when you dig deeper, you realize how substantively zero they are.

And be very mindful with this breed of cunning people, for if they can bring you down healthily, they will resort to any possible means to ensure you look bad and ugly, and of course they strive to be the most beautiful and fairest of them all. Ugly eh? These kind of people do exist. And the saddest thing about them, is that they do not know how sad their lives are because these people might be the ones with problems at home (broken family, marital problem, too rich to be humble etc), not having enough confidence to do things on their own without manipulating others, suffering from insecurity complex, and whatever illness you can think of.

So in the end, this people end up being very unhappy and heart, often angry, jealous and lonely at heart. They will forever talk about other people and how bad other people are. On the other hands, their victims will win herein and hereafter, because they live not by upholding on the mantra of hurting others. But, they live nobly with an aim to foster as many goodness they can and to help others the best that they can.

And for that, the reward for these kind and good people will always be fulfilling to them, Insya Allah.

So before 2008 ends, do instill in our hearts and minds to live as a good person, not as a great person. And good reward will always make ends meet to be in our good arms.

Better In Time

2008-10-19T23:20:00.003+13:00

After 51 years of independence, is it too much to ask our leaders to be more accountable to their constituencies? Is it hard to comply to the Federal Constitution and adhere to the principles that have been enshrined in the Constitution and move on towards building a greater nation?

Unlike diplomats who have to take heed of the need and request of the principals in their respective capitals, politicians could easily opt to be as maverick as the Sarah "you-betcha" Palin or to be as dedicated and committed as the late Tunku Abdul Rahman who stood valiantly against the cunning tactics deployed by our former colony master in an attempt to deny our rights for independence.

I wish we do not have to suffer the embarrassment and humiliation felt at certain part of the United States of America over the prevalent lack of knowledge and experience of the VP hopeful, whose aim is to be the second in command in McCain's administration. If we have seen the worst 8 years of America in the eyes of the world, having to endure another term under the Republican stewardship could further worsen the credibility crisis that the world police is going through.

One should not claim to have foreign relations credential by basing in on the fact that airplanes flying to Russia from USA will fly through....guess where Alaska! One can't be called a scientist on the merit of requesting grant for scientific exploration of extinct animals. That's a drill, baby, drill approach to prove to people, beyond reasonable doubt, that one is ready to be the second in command should there is a need arise.

If only Malaysians follow closely the debate and interviews involving the VP in waiting readily available on net, every one of us should be proud to note that at least in times of difficulties, we still have leaders who are intelligent enough to weather questions on economic bail out, Afghanistan-Iraq war, Russia-US relations, terrorism, climate change, and oil better than madam Palin.

And so, of all the issues that our leaders can talk about in speeches and winning statements upon resuming posts at the respective party's general meeting, why oh why must you talk about the social contract and later claim that it is in the context of historical viewpoint!

I am certain that my history textbook in 1998 did mention that historically, the non-Malays were brought in from their original countries to work at the estate and mines. Would that qualify me to be racists when I am just being appreciative of the history of my nation building?

None of our leaders has intellectually challenged our people, young and old, rich and poor, Malay, Chinese, Indian, Eurasian, Iban, Kadazan and etc to brainstorm and discuss about the 3Fs crisis-food, financial and fuel. Very rare politicians care to engage these issues without bringing in political interests deemed fit for personal glory, and as such the rakyat continue to suffer.

Is it too much to ask leaders to be responsible to us & above all, our beloved Malaysia? Malaysians were the ones who voted for you, irrespective whether you are from the ruling or opposing coalition!

Is it too much to stop blaming others when things get rough yet quick to claim personal stake when you win colossally? Worse, if your win is attributed to sacrifices made by others to let you represent them as their MP, knowing that otherwise, you would have been wiped out completely?

Is it too much to ask of you not to be selfish?

Eid Mubarak

2008-09-30T04:51:00.002+13:00

ALhamdulillah the fasting journey has brought us to the day of Eid Mubarak. Hopefully we'll meet Ramadhan again next year. I will not be celebrating the first day of Syawal in the arms of my family and loved ones but I had decided to leave NYC earlier than scheduled.

Despite the charm and glamorous aura oozes by the metropolitan city, it simply did not capture my heart, my mind and my thoughts to stay longer as planned. I miss home. The simplicity of Malaysianess in every single thing that I do back home is strongly urging me to return to the fold of Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan in particular) the soonest. I want to drink teh tarik. I want to eat rice and telur mata kerbau goreng and kicap, despite enjoying sumptuous meal here in NYC.

I miss the craziness of TV3 airing non-stop propaganda about the ruling coalition, only to be deferred soon by Malaysia today or any other alternative medias available. I don't mind not spending the first day of Raya with family, because that is the reason why Allah made it a month of Syawal so I get to celebrate Hari Raya everyday with my family so long as it is in the month of Syawal.

But the splendid shopping spree at Woodbury Common Outlet and the evening rendezvous at the metropolitan city albeit the background of Empire State Building and the famous "You're fired" Trump Tower cannot take away the profound longing that I have to return home.

I miss my bed, my mattress, my selimut, my car, my friends and my home. I miss everything that I possess, not anything that I loan from. And because Syawal is soon arriving, I miss shaking hands with my family and loved ones. I just want to be with them before my next assignment may take me away for longer period than 2 weeks in NYC.

I just want to wish "Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin". Your absence makes the heart grows fonder and above all, it taught me how valuable and precious you are to me.

Eid Mubarak.

With Love from NYC

2008-09-25T16:34:00.002+12:00

Six days in NYC observing the bustling delegates walking to and fro the self-proclaimed gigantic UNHQ reminded me the joy of working and serving par excellence. Befitting the coldness and the shabbiness of the SATC primary location of shooting, one could tell that NYC is the place to be for many.

Owing my gratitude to His gracious and wealth of Ar Rahman & Ar Rahim have truly enriched my life experience. Amidst the bustling schedule of meetings and changeable venue and agendas, the people embrace them all in their stride and were strident enough to sit in meetings and discuss and then off they go.

I did not fell in love with NYC the way I did with Boston. Well, NYC may be the place to be but still for me, the intellectual scenery of MIT and Harvard residing side by side in Mass. simply entice and reiterate my ardent favoritism towards USA than UK. It's a place where opportunities are plenty to those who dare to dream big.

I know I am writing substantively nothing in this entry but I can't help the urge to pen down my thoughts into electronic recording i.e blog. Away from home, kesepian ini mencengkam sanubariku. I miss many things that I left behind hastily. Honestly I don't mind spending Raya alone and away from the comfort of family and friends back home. I'm growing fond of missing someone's company terribly. Melawan kesepian is even harder than drafting intervention notes meant for top-bosses.

Perhaps, listening to this song will soothe the longing that I seek either from him, or his shadow. Whatever will be, will be. Kaulah segalanya, with love from NYC.

Kau merubah segala
Cinta yang ku dahaga
Kehadiran dirimu
Menyinari mekar semua hatiku

kau lukis hidupku
kau hias hatiku
kau sambut cintaku
tulus ikhlas
suci hatimu kasih

Kaulah segalanya
Yang menyinari hidupku kasih
Hanya satunya
Yang kucintai

Sambutlah cintaku
Jangan kau pergi dari sisi ku
cintaku padamu
ikhlas sejati

hulur tanganmu kasih
sambut cintaku
jangan tinggalkan daku
seorang diri
tak sanggup lagi dilukai

What Is A Promise?

2008-09-14T02:44:00.002+12:00

Alas, our deepest fear rears it ugly head. Racial harmony is at its lowest ebb since Independence. While other countries are toiling with ideas and strategies to confront the slow economy soon affecting our domestic growth, we falter and surrender to our greed and reluctance to accept history and the truth that comes with it. Who are we lying to? Our next generation? Our forefathers? Or ourselves?

In October 1945, The British announced a bold decision to end indirect rule in the Malay States by uniting all the states into a Malayan Union under a Governor with executive powers. It proposed to initiate a Malayan form of citizenship which would give equal rights to those who claim Malaya as their homeland.

Pulau Pinang and Melaka although parts of the proposed Malayan Union would remained British Settlements. Singapore would remained as a separate colony. The Malayan Union and Singapore would have separate Governors and their individual Executive and Legislative Councils. In the Malayan Union, the Malay Sultans would be Presidents in his own State, of a Malay Advisory Council which would be mainly concerned with religious matters. The Malay Sultans would be asked to sign new treaties which would give the British Government jurisdiction in their states. These constitutional proposals actually represented a complete change of policy by the British Government. The Malay States had never been British territories. They were and always have been protected Malay States.

On October 1945, Sir Harold MacMichael, special envoy to the British Government arrived in Kuala Lumpur to negotiate the new treaties with the Sultans of the Malay States. The Sultans signed under protest and abdicated their sovereign rights and powers to the British Crown. Political parties and associations were formed all over the country to fight the Malayan Union proposals which were to come into effect on 1 April 1946 when civil government were to be restored.

On 1st March 1946, representatives from the 41 Malay associations and organizations formed the United Malay National Organisation (UMNO). Dato� Onn Jaafar was elected as the first President and the Malays at that time could be said to be more united over a single purpose than they were ever before. UMNO provided the spearhead for the deep and spreading Malay opposition to the Malayan Union. The Malay Unity was a new force to the British and also to the Chinese. UMNO passed a resolution declaring that the agreement signed by the Sultans to be null and void. On 31st March 1945, British Military Administration terminated officially.

On 1st April 1946, the Malayan Union came into being and Sir Edward Gent was installed Sir Edward was installed as the Governor of the Malayan Union in Kuala Lumpur. However, UMNO called for the abolishment of the Malayan Union and be replaced by the Federation of Malaya The proposed Federation of Malaya consisting of the nine Malay states and two British settlements would replace the Malayan Union. It was also proposed that a High Commissioner and not a Governor would be the representative of the British crown. The proposal also stated that apart from Malays, only second generation Chinese, Indians and other races would automatically qualify for the federal citizenship. Thus the Malayan Union was officially terminated on the 31st January, 1948.

In the early days of our Independence, communism was no stranger to Malaya. Communist Party of Malaysia (CPM) induced the negative feelings into the mind of the Chinese and Malays, mostly living in the rural areas where information were scarce. The issue of political supremacy of Malays was trumpeted as a justification to perpetually accuse the Government of treating Chinese and Indians as second class citizens.

After 51 years of Independence, sadly the same issue is still lingering and dominating our judgment ability. Everything is seen from a narrow view of ethnicity and race. I wonder why some people are so sensitive about the history of where their forefathers come from, citing it as racial insensitive. The fact that you can argue and question our rights as enshrined in Article 153 of the Federal Constitution to me, is also a sign of not only racial but constitution inconsiderate.

We work hard to be where we are. We work earnestly in our given responsibility, most of the time not purely because of Ringgit and sen. We work hard because this is our motherland and we will protect it with our might and guts. Contrary to people of certain races who insist that if they join the public service, they want to be given top posts automatically because they earn it. How did they earn it? By graduating successfully from varsity with good distinctions yet devoid of human touch and tolerance towards others.

Very few of them are inconsiderate of others when they reverse their cars at parking lots, blinding their eyes to passers by. Most of them would never stand log queues at restaurants or shopping counter for fear or ruining their imitation LV or Manolo Blahnik shoes. Several of them feel that it is not important to communicate in the national language because the job scopes requires them to speak in their mother tongue, which bring me to this question - if you are originally from here, why is your mother tongue not Malay language?

Sadly, racial harmony and government's tolerance has been used to accuse us of margininalising other races, when the one who is totally disconnected from the mainstream is the orang-orang asal tanah ini, the Orang Asli. Who are we lying? Who are we fighting for? Our greed? Our need for an equal Malaysia for all, disregarding the history of original habitants of this lucky land?

We adhered to British request to grant citizenship because we believe that it is better to manage our country ourselves rather than forever staying on as colonies to our Queen master. There was reason on why our leaders then agreed to grant citizenship to the second generation onwards of people who were brought into the country by HN Ridley and co to assist in the mining, rubber planting, and etc.

We have come a long way into accepting everyone into our fold and we work hard to earn our stripes. Please do not push us further because we love this country so much not to let it be destroyed by reckless hands who are bitter about their own history because they are unhappy with it.

We are proud of our history and the fact that we give out citizenship rights to you, albeit the fact that some of you are holding two citizenship for greater economic prosperity. So don't ever ridicule our Negaraku as Negarakuku and escape without even apologising to the YDPA. Don't ever carry tales to third country and claim that ethnic cleansing is rampant in Malaysia because that is an exaggeration of highest order.

We love this country more than you know. Do not push your limits further just because our leader is nice and accommodating. Our patience has limit. So does your tie to ramble on hard lies.

Memberi Makna, Meletak Harga

2008-08-23T19:04:00.005+12:00

It's Merdeka Month. Malaysia is 51 years old this year. What have we achieved as a nation? Plenty. What have we not achieved as a country? Too many to tell. What will the by-election in Permatang Pauh means to us? We are only ordinary Malaysians who want nothing but peace and prosperity for our motherland.

And suddenly I miss my days when I was in school. It was a school that really does not fit my criteria but nonetheless the school decided to 'embrace' me as their student, and looking back, I have no regret. I will always be proud of you, SMAP Labu. Although I expect more from you now that we are often lagging behind other schools in terms of academic achievement, I do hope that the strive will continue.

I wish more people would realize how beneficial it is to attend a religious school, especially if it's a boarding school like mine. It may not be successful in producing 100% pious end result (with me being an example) but still, the school taught us many things that are of utmost importance in today's life.

And the one thing that I remember most, is that my teachers' constant plight for us never to let our brothers and sisters to 'berjuang' alone. Be at each other's side and stand together, with that, nobody can break you, said my former chemistry teacher Puan Ainah.

Our entertainment were mostly nasyid or world music, more akin to patriotic songs especially in August, when we had our 'Sambutan Bulan Kemerdekaan'. Students will stage performance and theatre focusing on the the struggle undertook by our forefathers. We chanted the 'Merdeka' many times sharp at 12 midnight. Someday, i wish to fulfill my dream of writing about my great grandfather, one of the men who went with Tunku Abdul Rahman to London to negotiate for independence. His photo with Tunku appeared in last year's MAS' magazine, Going Places for August edition.

I hope to be able to write about him and his contribution to our beloved home state of Negeri Sembilan. And that is another aspiration I hope to fulfill someday-to serve my state Negeri Sembilan. Recently we lost two of our prominent men in Negeri Sembilan, a former teacher and a king's brother. May Allah bless their souls, Al Fatihah.

May the ladies of Negeri Sembilan continue to contribute to nation building and to fill the meaning of independence with pride, humility and courage. May my former schoolmates who have now embraced varied political beliefs would continue to defend our motherland, Malaysia.

Selamat berjuang!

-Puteriku Sayang-

Lembut mu tak bererti kau mudah dijual beli
Kau mampu menyaingi lelaki dalam berbakti
Lembut bukan hiasan bukan jua kebanggaan
Tapi kau sayap kiri pada suami yang sejati

Disebalik bersih wajah mu disebalik tabir diri mu
Ada rahsia agung tersembunyi dalam diri
Itulah sekeping hati yang takut pada ilahi
Berpegang pada janji mengabdikan diri

Malu mu mahkota yang tidak perlukan singgahsana
Tapi ia berkuasa menjaga diri dan nama
Tiada siapa yang akan boleh merampasnya
Melainkan kau sendiri yang pergi menyerah diri

Ketegasan mu umpama benteng negara dan agama
Dari dirobohkan dan jua dari dibinasakannya
Wahai puteriku sayang kau bunga terpelihara
Mahligai syurga itulah tempatnya

When a Woman Loves a Man

2008-08-22T19:37:00.001+12:00

I may not agree with some men’s greed for power and dominion, but I have to admit that the dynamics of man-woman relationship is undeniably unique. Not only that the relationships and interactions between sexes are important for the purpose of subsistence. Furthermore man and woman offer each other comfort and strength to take face the world and its challenges.

Of all the women who have made themselves leaders, I think Datuk Seri Dr. Wan Azizah Wan Ismail deserves a special mention in the history of our nation building for she had withstand the trial of time and humiliation to carry out her responsibility as a wife, mother, Parliamentarian, and above all, servant of Allah.

She inspired ladies to be great lovers and to be eternally loyal to your man, come what may. She taught us the meaning of patient and passion as she strolled the passing years as a single parent to ensure that her children grow up well and educated. She defined elegance and charisma in the same breath with humility and modesty, almost making her as a self-efficacy lady in light of the mounting pressure waiting to destroy her, her family and her party.

I am one of the women who find it hard not to give hard time to the men in our lives. For years, we have had to content with their natural born desire to dominate and conquer decision making, be it to decide on what radio station to listen in the car, to what dress to wear to office and to what activities we should do during weekends, and sometimes to the type of friends we can be with.

It is almost common to hear men’s remarks such as “I care about you” or “I just want the best for you” or even worse, “I’m older than you therefore I know best what’s best for you” whenever we ask them where is the source of power accorded to them to make our live miserable. I decided long ago never to walk in anyone shadow but I have to admit, living in a male dominated world, they are forever shadowing you with their bullying trait and possessive trait deemed as necessary to protect the ladies in their lives.

I am mad but I have to admit that only women can stand bullish characteristics of a man. Without us, their life will devoid of its beauty and meaningful endeavour. What men do not want to know and never will want to appreciate, is the fact that when a woman loves a man, he becomes her utmost priority, if not the most important object in her life. And telling her man to be careful does not qualify her as a control freak because if that is the instance, then I bet only DSAI knows how hard Kak Wan have to constantly remind and advise him to be careful to be certain of his safety and wellbeing.

Why do men always make life difficult for the women who care about them?

Ayat-Ayat Cinta

2008-08-17T20:54:00.005+12:00

I was overcame with jubilant when I saw the Korean player failed to return Chong Wei's shot, thus qualifying our man to enter the highly anticipated final of Singles Man Badminton Olympic Beijing 2008. Horray!!!!

For once, Malaysians from all walks of life MUST put aside our political differences and stand together to cheer for our hero, a Chinese who trained under an able Malay coach, a symbolic gesture of how we (Malaysians) can achieve if we work together and stay united, rather than lambasting on our differences.

Our country has long been corrupted by leaders who think that just because they are on top, they deserve all the rights to do whatever they want to do. We have also seen the rise of a figure whose aimed at being a Prime Minister at all cost, making him oblivious to potential collateral damage.

We have heard him talking about how once he becomes a PM, many investors will immediately come in and pump capital into our territory. Is he implying that he is the only man who can be a PM and subsequently manage the country well? What about the financial instability he caused, as a result of his big mouthing to all superpowers every time he is confronted with political hindrances?

Is this how a PM of a sovereign country like Malaysia should behave, kowtow to USA every time in return for political grip and dominion? Malaysians must have been so blind if we are to let that to happen. He has yet to prove his administrative talent when dealing with emerging issues regarding terrorism, good governance, interfaith, environmental concerns, international financial architecture and etc. I have yet to see him being independent from relying on external power to free him from being responsible on his own deeds.

So, to all Malaysians ought to vote in Permatang Pauh, exercise your right wisely. His party is a fraction of a party that was swept by a political tsunami in March 2008. It is the same people in the coalition that is manning the party now. You can take a man out of a party, but you can't take a man's weakness out of a man. This is not a question about the party that one represents.If Semangat 46 could be dissolved, history may be able to repeat itself if power and greed are successfully met.

This is about our rights to have an honest and true leader, devoid of any hidden agenda whether to form a new federal government by 16 September 2008 or not. If one loves Malaysia deeply, one should really focus on delivering what was promised in their election manifesto, and not to chart ways and means to become the Sixth Prime Minister. This is a complete disregard for the rakyat who have chosen to stick with their choice of government in March 2008.

If anyone wants to be the next Prime Minister, kindly wait for the next general election and please do it through the front door. A leader whose means is via back entrance, is really a man of questionable integrity and intention.

At the end of the day, they are all flamboyant politicians who wants nothing but personal glory. Not to fight and defend our motherland from further disintegration and instability.

For thee, Malaysia. For you, Chong Wei. Malaysia is with you because you are our true hero who fights for us, to deliver us the best Merdeka gift ever after 50 years of Independence. MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!

HATI

Janji hati suara cinta sakti
Cinta agung dari jiwa ternyala
Janji tanah lahir aku cintai
Aku rela sama membela

Pengorbanan jangan diluka
Khianat janji hilang jasa
Ku mencari hati mulia
Aku sanjung pencinta bangsa

Usah rajuk jauh hati rindu
Nafas lain haluan seketika
Aku rayu wira hati sayangku
Ini bukan mainan cinta

Pengorbanan jangan diluka
Khianat janji hilang jasa
Ku mencari hati mulia
Aku sanjung pencinta bangsa

Janji janji cinta
Pengorbanan jangan diluka
Khianat janji hilang jasa
Ku mencari hati mulia
Aku sanjung pencinta bangsa
Bila janji terlukis indah
Usah lagi kau buru cinta
Aku serahkan hati asmara ku
Kini bebas hati bersatu
Ooo hati

The Making of a Malaysian Plastic Society

2008-07-20T06:38:00.003+12:00

DSAI’s arrest was an instant hit with political observers not only in Malaysia but worldwide. The sodomy charge against him reminisce the tragedy of 1998, and although the alleged main conspirator has resigned, the two generals who were then budding officers are now at the prime of their career. The politics remain the same, the storyline might have been retained but what differs is the fact that now, the audience has matured. While it is easy to understand the family’s ordeal during this difficult time, it is not too difficult to note that politicians are nonetheless, the most dangerous breed you can count on as friends and companion.

Malaysia is witnessing the new dawn of political revitalization. Whatever used to be taboo in the 70s and 80s are gradually coming out of the closet. One either dies a hero or live long enough to see yourself becoming a villain, said Joker in the latest installment of Batman-The Dark Knight. In Malaysia, one does not have to live that long enough to cross into the world of darkness. It takes a minute, out of desperation and self-centrism to graduate oneself from goodness to the world of greed, backstabbing and all sorts of bad deeds. So if this is the face of politicians in Malaysia, I doubt the colour of our future generation would be either similar, or better improved (increased level of nastiness will go a long way).

The political struggle has shifted from that of fighting for what’s right for the people, to fighting for what’s right for the politician. If he or she sacrificed her weekend to attend a long-day meeting at his/her constituents, therefore he/she deserved to go on holiday abroad (Rome, London, New York) because she had worked hard for the people. Work hard construed as giving way their time to go shopping, golfing, flirting and etc to entertain the needs and problems of ordinary people like me. They grow up being soulless representative of the people, albeit elected by the people, but are actually put in place by their masters. As such, the loyalty is not that of to serve the people but rather to please the hands that pick them and make them YB.

No doubt there are still morally righteous politicians who really represent the people. They try to live as normal as they could to be able to understand the whining and complains made by the ordinary Malaysians when the oil price was increased 40%. These breed of politicians put aside their call to live luxuriously and choose to dedicate their earnings into a fund that could be mobilized for those in need. These noble men and women are rare but I can assure you that they are the gems among the glittering diamonds. Unlike the plastic politicians, the truest representative of the people stood tall like a single sweet solitary rose in the garden of good and evil.

The same principle applies in our daily livelihood. We are surrounded by many plastic, parasites, opportunist germs and most of them are waiting to jump at any occasion not to assist but to gain should we fall. We have grown fond of opportunism because we do not see relevance of holding true to principled position. Has our society devoid of faith in righteousness?

I remember the night my best friend told me of his fervent beliefs that good deed and sincerity will always be rewarded in a special way by Allah the Almighty. There we are, 2 less likely people who are not piously defined at all as human beings. Yet his confidence in what he stood for inspired me to endure and stand firm when hit by calamity.

True to his words, several intended calamity did struck me. I have had someone accusing me of writing her bad comments in her analysis (I can feel how DSAI felt when he’s accused of doing something he didn’t commit); I have had opportunists hiding behind the blanket of friendship who used me to borrow money when in desperate needs, or to get things done and bought for her at her wish; I have had people talking behind my back and spreading lies that are really amazingly ungracious and mean.

My take is simple: If you can't bring someone down, make their life miserable. So there goes the accusation and ego-mania game. Life does not give us options of only black and white. Alas, these are the people who had provoked me first in the first place. Yet I am certain they will someday face the similar predicament for what goes around comes around, and like my bestie told me, good reward and intention will always find their ways into divine intervention. So Alhamdulillah, I preserved and put a mental note at the back of my mind. The true test of a character is not of showing explicit power but that of humility and sincerity, so said WR Inge. One can never buy humility at a flea market, don’t we? Don’t be a plastic, if even others wish to be superlatively plastic savvy.

Maybe our plastic world needs a Joker to remind us how ugly humans are actually. They will rip off their moral, ethics and guidelines the moment problem hits them. A Joker may well be able to enlighten us how ugly we have become to each other, how perceptions have blinded our judgement and how greed and insidious have become our second nature so much, that we forget to stop and stare: Min Aina, Ila Aina?

Please save my soul. I do not wish to join the plastics in order to bring them down.

Sabah, Land Below the Wind

2008-06-08T16:14:00.002+12:00

I always have fond memories of Sabah, especially since I successfully travelled solo to Kota Kinabalu in 2002. The sight of Sabah’s best commodities-seafood and pearls would simply left one in awe and reluctant to depart with the land below the wind. So it was only natural for a nature lover like me to rejoice when a trip to Sabah was designated as part of our training module.

We were in Sabah from 7 to 10 May 2008. In between the talks and briefings by the state government, I had forgotten that we were dialoguing with the administrators of a state vital for the political survival of BN. My thoughts were more focused on the seafood, and also on Stacy of AF6 who made a splash in the local entertainment industry with her singing prowess. And because I handled environment desk at office, Sabah reminded me of Sepilok (orang utan) and the ongoing conservation project called “Heart of Borneo”.

My guts were challenged when we visited a real headhunting village known as the Monsopiad Village which has been turned into a tourist attraction. The village boasted Sabah’s copious history of headhunting and bobohizan career which has now sadly diminished. I never looked up to the rooftop when the guide briefed us about the skulls, for fear of being seen by the wandering spirits (if they could see me).

My favourite destination, Tunku Abdul Rahman Park boasts five islands surrounded by splendid coral reefs. The islands are Pulau Gaya, Pulau Manukan, Pulau Mamutik, Pulau Sapi and Pulau Sulug. These are beautiful islands that are definitely worth visiting. It was only a short boat ride away from KK and the wind blowing on my face reminded me how blessed Malaysia is with natural wealth and beautiful scenery. The waters are crystal clear and I could tell that the fishes were happily swimming around under the water. The beaches have clean white sand. The islands here are among the many beautiful islands available in Malaysia. My friends and I happily took the chance to throw each other into the crystal clear water under the pretext of snorkelling for beginner. Pollution at its worst, I must admit.

For nightlife, KK offers a few bars, cafes, and clubs. The one worth mentioning is Shenanigans at the Hyatt, because that was where most of us spent our night at. To sum it up, Sabah is the place to go for leisure, relaxation, great outdoors, nature and adventure. For the shopaholics, this isn't the best place unless you're a handicraft fanatic.

Of all the things I did in Sabah, I wonder why I can still savour the delicious taste of wet butter prawn on my taste bud. I can’t believe that I had to pay only RM30 to eat a half kilogramme of the yummy meal. Sigh, I can only dream of eating such mouth-watering delicacy at a cheap price in KL. Maybe there will be a third trip to Sabah for me. Partly, because some say Sabah is heaven. I concur without hesitant.

After A Long Silence

2008-06-08T15:49:00.002+12:00

I decided to post a new entry after observing months of solidarity and calmness. Fresh from celebrating my 25th birthday approximately a week ago, I have now grown to appreciate the rise of fourth estate better than before. So today, to mark the first entry after a long silence, I wish to write about my hope and aspirations as I enter the new age of 25 with grace and wisdom.

Since February, my colleagues and I spent our days and nights attending a course in the middle of bustling KL, away from the chaotic day-to-day office work. The course requires us to write, speak, draft, do assignment, analyze and above all, be prepared for our future assignments abroad.

We have completed our attachment in Seoul, after returning from a study visit to Sabah. While Sabah is a hot commodity post general election, South Korea offers a new dimension of the meaning refurbishment and restoration. I will probably dwell more on this in my upcoming posts but I have already drafted something for Sabah journey.

This year's June marked wonderful surprises at home and abroad. Top of the list is none other than the sudden oil price hike, which saw the gradual erosion of our subsidy enjoyed thus far. Tensions arise and protests were immediately launched, maybe the rakyat haven't come to term with their accumulated frustrations, although they have spoken lavishly during the general election in March.

At the international fora, we are seeing the making of a new American history amidst the background of democracy and equality in the United States of America. Senator Obama officially won the Democratic presidential election on 3 June. His win broke the ceiling of racism and impossibility among the African American and now, it's time for a showdown between the political rookie and the veteran spinner, Senator John McCain. Perhaps its a clash of a great debater and a freedom writer who defines G8 as a league of major democracies, automatically eliminating China and Russia.

I have to admit that I am a big fan of Senator Hillary Rodham Cinton, although I endorse Sen. Obama as the candidate. Her strength, her tenacity, and more importantly her shrewed political tactics leave mch to be desired by aspiring women politicians especially in Malaysia. I have grown accustomed to the same old style of personality politicking, rather than issue based advocacy.

For years, the people have to put up with the conventional way of campaigning i.e vote for the party and the person, not for the issues/policies that he/she is advocating. But 2008 gave us a new hope and belief that not all politicians campaign on the merit of party and persona alone. Issues ranging from corruption, accountability, governance, human rights and democracy have begun to penetrate into the minds of the Malaysian voters. Not to forget, policies to control the prices of goods like sugar, rice and flour are becoming closely scrutinized by the public. They are demanding for a greater accountability for every cent paid as taxes.

As a former environment desk officer, I have yet to meet a strong proponent of issues such as climate change, biodiversity, hazardous substances, energy, water, and waste management. Perhaps someone should start championing these issues for the debate of climate change is not confined within environmental spasm alone, but it cross cut issues such as economy, politics, industries and more importantly, national sovereignty.

Before I end, I just want to say how grateful I am to note that more and more personalities have taken up blogging by now. For thee, Malaysia.

When Life is Full With Bad People

2008-01-17T22:21:00.000+13:00

I believe many people would agree with me when I say, that bad people make life miserable. Just move on and have faith, that Allah will not leave the muhsinat alone in despair.

Wasatiah

Senyumlah wahai puteri
Kerana indahnya pekerti itu
Pabila kau melapangkan mata yang memandang
Dengan tertib yang santun

Bicaralah dengan laras yang sopan
Bersisipkan malu yang tebal
Kerana di situlah benteng maruahmu
Bakal terbina dan mengukuh

Jujurlah dengan tingkahmu
Kerana di sisi Ya Rabbi itu
Bukan emas bukan permata
Tapi takwa dan iman yang disanjung teratas

Hiduplah dengan kasih sayang
Hentikan nista dan tohmahanmu
Kerana api yang marak
Kelak menanti manusia pemfitnah

Insafilah asal kejadian insani
Kerana di situlah letaknya keajaiban Yang Esa
Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Mengasihani
Usah hidup bertongkatkan langit
Kerana sombong itu satu ketakburan duniawi

Climate Breakthrough In Bali

2007-12-16T04:02:00.000+13:00

In the two weeks I spent attending the climate change conference in Bali, little did I know that the lady of whom I often bumped into at the ladies is Mdm. Paula Dobriansky, the Under Secretary of Democracy and Global Affairs of the Bush's administration.

Her entourage to the ladies reflect either the paranoia or an unquantified amount of arrogance that the Bush's regime has against security. In brief, each of the American negotiator had a bodyguard assisgned to safeguard them from nobody I guess except themselves.

By the time you are reading this, you would have known that a historic climate deal was sealed in Bali, on its unscheduled 13th day of talks. Officials spent sleepless nights trying to find the right balance in their choice of words and language to ensure that the draft text of outcome will be a workable and implementable for all, the North and the South. Or in my simpler terms, the donor and the recipient.

For the purpose of articulating my historical experience throughout the conference in this blog, I choose to focus on the day Washington was booed for its stubborn demand for wanting the developing countries to take on emission reduction commitments.

If I may recall clearly the day, it all began when the UN chief Ban jetted in for a last-ditch appeal, the UN's exhausted climate chief nearly broke down in tears and conference chair Indonesia apologised for a disastrous procedural mix-up. China and India made last minute intervention that clearly send the signals that the developing countries are not ready to take cut our GHG emissions, at least not until the developed world take the lead.

The Annex I parties will have plenty of time to prove their commitments especially since the first commitment period will begin next year.

So, back to the case of what happened in the hall before the agreement was reached. Earlier, the United States, the only major industrialised nation to reject the Kyoto treaty, reached a compromise with the European Union to avoid mentioning any figures as a target for slashing greenhouse gas emissions. The deal instead only makes an indirect reference to scientists' warnings that the world must sharply cut back its emissions to prevent what could be a catastrophic rise in temperatures.

But after the summit went into an unscheduled 13th day of talks, the United States said it would not accept the statement as it wanted developing countries such as fast-growing China to make tougher commitments. The senior US negotiator, Paula Dobriansky, said she had heard "many strong statements from many major developing country leaders on a greater role in helping to address urgently this global problem."

It "doesn't seem it's going to be reflected in our outcome here in the declaration," she said, explaining why the United States would reject the draft. Dobriansky was loudly booed by other delegations, and a US environmental activist representing Papua New Guinea said to rousing cheers: "If you're not willing to lead, please get out of the hall."

And I can remember that all of us clapped and cheered that statement loudly while the camera was focusing on Madam Dobriansky. None of US' allies rendered support, perhaps they were taken aback and shocked at the determination and leadership shown by their negotiation partners from the South who came to Bali prepared to talk, willing to listen and able to decide and compromise.

Even Japan subtly intervened and indiscreetly supported the amendment proposed by India, which by then clearly isolated US as the sole climate terrorist in the world of climate diplomacy. Alas, in the end the US made a U Turn and made a sensible decision to join the consensus of 189 countries who have said yes to the draft text.

Lesson learned for me, the developing countries have won this battle by defending vehemently the essence of the text of the Convention and its Kyoto Protocol. Now we have a roadmap towards 2009, we have the deadline and the agenda.

But beware of the first meeting in 2008, the ghost from Bali will come to haunt us demanding for a measurable, reportable and verifiable mitigation efforts to address climate change.

Today, we win!

BROOM OR NO BROOM?

2007-11-22T18:56:00.001+13:00

I have nothing to offer but a smiling agreement with what the MB of Selangor rewarded to the under achiever local authorities in Selangor. A broom, the so-called un-Malaysian way of telling people, you have to improve or else, you are out. People were astonished and began parroting the sentiment that it was unethical and un-Malaysia to do it, because we are polite people and our society is rich in ethics and good values.

I wonder why this un-Malaysian method is unacceptable, because the sole intention of awarding the broom is none other than to push the relevant authorities, and in this case the Little Napoleon in the making cum-government officers, to work and strive to deliver better for the public and for the hounour of the service.

While many hail Datuk Khir Toyo’s act as immoral and uncalled for, I argue that it is indeed timely to start punishing the complacent officers the rightfully award for them, as oppose to the Anugerah Khidmat Cemerlang (AKC) for the hardworking and reliable type. While rewarding a broom is a nightmare, so does the practice of escaping office hours to do personal chores or to use office’s facilities for personal gain. This may look silly and simple, but let us think again. If the officers cannot even adhere and respect basic things like government’s assets, do we trust them enough to safeguard our assets and interests beyond reasonable doubt? Think.

Moving on, in the case where the officers took years to pick up the phone when it rang, procrastinate to reply to queries and letters asking for details and information on certain issues, or even hesitated to send the relevant communications to the relevant desk officer (in the case if it was sent to a wrong recipient), wouldn’t that be so unethical to be slow and procrastinating in delivering our daily responsibility? Let us ponder on that.
What if it is in the case of officers who spend very little time to read and study the file, resulting them in being incompetent when performing their routine tasks? This, not to mention, when adds up with the tendency to commit silly mistakes and intended carelessness, are surely un-Malaysian judging by the standard that the present KSN is hoping to instil among the junior officers. When at the stage of being a budding officer, you have already shown the tendency to be a laidback and complacent officer, what hope is there for future leadership? Think again.

People have different reason on why they wanna be government officers a.k.a bureaucrats in the making. But I believe that if you are responsible enough to shoulder the responsibility, then broom or no broom, you will walk the talk and the pledge you made when you first joined the service. I can’t help to say that sometimes, I too, get frustrated with mediocre attitude that they have at work.

But hope is not all lost, as the silent majorities still stand firm in their pledge and commitment to the government, that they will work hard to protect the national interest, and they will do it to the best, trying to be the best that they can be before retiring. Broom or no broom, I know plenty of my colleagues who are not complacent and doing their work just for the sake of melepaskan batuk di tangga.

If you love Malaysia, let us the civil servants for once be un-Malaysian and begin to embrace responsibility full heartedly, not just for the sake of monetary reward and pension. If money is what you are searching, then a rich officer will become of you. If fame is what you look for in the service, then a famous officer you will be regardless of the reasons e,g bribery, khalwat and sedition. If job security is what you are looking after, be worry not for you are secured of the work until a VSS or a broom arrives.

But if you are looking to serve the people with good intention and commitment, a blessed and meaningful life will wait for you herein and hereafter. Be assured in that promised by Allah the Almighty: Dalam keadaan apapun kamu berada, dan (ayat) apapun dari Al-Qur’an yang kamu baca, serta pekerjaan apa saja yang kamu kerjakan, tidak lain kami adalah menjadi saksi atasmu diwaktu kamu melakukannya. [Yunus : 61].

Eid Mubarak

2007-10-11T20:01:00.000+13:00

“It's a small step for me, but a great leap for the Malaysian people," said our first ever astronaut, Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor on the eve of his departure to the space. The historic moment dated 10 October 2007 will always be remembered by Malaysians living in our time. An achievement that brings tears to his proud parents and inspire the ordinary school student to be an astronaut too.

This year’s Eid Mubarak is indeed a joyous occasion for Malaysia. We have scaled Mount Everest, conquered the North Pole and travel around the world with a yacht. Now a Malaysian will set foot on the cold and quiet surface of the outer-space. I bet the next thing that Malaysia aims for is to land on the moon.

Congratulations and bravo to thee, Malaysia. If only the people who had brutally taken Nurin’s life has the same determination and will to be a towering Malaysia, it will make me prouder of Malaysia as my home. May Allah grant her family the strength to look up into the sky, and know that she is with her Creator, Allah the Almighty. She is in safe now.

To all Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir dan Batin from my family & I. It has been a pleasure to write and express my thoughts here. It has also been a pleasure to be a simple and ordinary Malaysian who is going to enjoy her Syawal celebration to the max.

“Aidilfitri. It is the best of times, it is the worst of times”

Attitude Malfunction

2007-09-21T13:04:00.000+12:00

The world is sick. Maniacs running free to kidnap, to torture and to kill our loved ones. Psycho politicians betraying the trust people have when they elected them to top posts. Crazy men and women screaming for freedom of religion to embrace Satanic verses.

Because we are sick, we have forgotten many things that used to make us healthy.

We have forgotten how it feels like to care for our brothers and sisters. We have forgotten how to be nice to other people even when they are strangers. We have forgotten how not to use power, prestige and wealth to get what we want. We have forgotten how to respect the seniors and elderly. We have forgotten that the elders have been there and done that. We have forgotten that sometimes in life, we have to be kind and respectful of others. We have forgotten that budi bahasa budaya kita.

And because we are no longer healthy, we forget things easily. We forget to say thank you when someone has helped us. We forget to say sorry when committing mistake because of our ego and pride. We forget to meet and greet when we are new and inexperienced because we think we are there as a result of us being great. We forget to take heed of the advise of people who have been there earlier. We forget to uphold our responsibility when carrying our tasks at work because we spend more time gossipping, bad mouthing, chatting, emailing, and hating our colleagues.

Since we became unhealthy, we have become more engrossed in bringing people down. We refuse to assist people in need. We defy the advise given by the seniors and elderly because we always think they have hidden agenda. We spend more time worrying about make up, appearance and our clothing brand, but our brain is so shallow that we do not even bother to read what more to appreciate knowledge. We look down on people who seems to be unpretty in our eyes without knowing the individual has a prowess of knowledge. We insist and demand of doing things that we wanna do, in our way because we regard ourselves highly. We seek others' indulgence to escape us from doing things we do not wanna do on the premise that we are good and was born as a somebody.

We are sick. We marvel at power, wealth, influence, money, materials and its species. Yet we lack intimate share of care, concern, compassion and love to be shared with others. We have become who we are not supposed to be.

And we call ourselves as the saviour of the humankind because we think only humans can think.

I think we are wrong because it is not the animals who killed, tortured, massacred and raped the humankind. It is us who are inflicting pain to others. We ought to feel sorry to be born as humans in the era of a moral debauchery.

CLIMATE CHANGE & US

2007-09-03T19:42:00.000+12:00

The temperature is rising everyday in all corners of the world, so said the scientists and experts on climate studies worldwide. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) published a thick report in 2001 outlining the scientific basis of the assertion. Briefly, if there are no measures taken to reduce the greenhouse gases (GHG) emissions by 2030, the global temperature will rise by 2 degree yearly.

The polemic of climate change has raised eyebrows with sceptics expressing sarcastic remarks on the accuracy of the reports. Worse, leaders tend to think that climate change should be treated as a compartmentalize issue convened under the ambit of a big umbrella name ENVIRONMENT. Commitments have become harder to follow and pledges of continuous efforts to address the issue remain unmoved.

Yet this writer prefers to look into this issue from a more positive and beneficial point of view. In my opinion, it is true that climate change poses threat and dangers to the survival of manhood. Large parts of the planet become drier and deserts spread. Others receive more rain and floods come. The oceans warm up and expand, washing over islands and coastlines.

Refusal to ratify a binding agreement on halving the GHG emission by 2012 separates countries along the line of personal interest and lackadaisical commitment. This is a common and grave concern among the population of the world. Now it is the time for countries to come together and combine resources under a unified goal and that is to alleviate the impacts of climate change. Whilst we focus on the negative sides of climate change, the exploration of new yet familiar initiatives to encounter climate change should begin for the betterment of the humankind.

Number one, we have to intensify research and development (R&D) programmes to invent new technologies that will produce less GHG emission particularly in the transporation industry. Jumbo, ships, airplanes are the major emitters of GHG notwithstanding the factories and open burning. Successful outcome of the R&D will surely contribute towards the revolution of the entire transportation sector.

Second, discussants should begin contemplating the ideas that the forestry initiative is good and would assist in alleviating poverty as well as reducing carbon emission. How is this possible? Forest regeneration allows rural folks to improve their forest and resources management. While doing so, it educates them on the importance of those forests as carbon sinks to absorb GHG and reduce heat trapped in the atmosphere. Education and training rolled into one, it surely will help the poor to improve their quality of life.

Thirdly, encourage the younger generations to read and write more about climate change. Ask an ordinary John or Jane Doe in the urban or suburb of Malaysia, and maybe 1 out of 15 would be able to answer correctly that they have heard of climate change, UNFCCC and the Kyoto Protocol.

Let us all begin by googling the internet and learn about the definition of greenhouse gases. Once the citizens of the worlds are aware of the difference between carbon reservoir and carbon sinks, only then we ca start talking about real commitments for the survival of humankind.

Happy Merdeka Day, Malaysia

2007-09-02T11:55:00.000+12:00

As the tepat 12 malam moment arrived, I was on the flight MH123 en route to Sydney for a meeting. Still, I took time to wish my friend sitting next to me a happy 50th anniversary of nationhood & independence. I wished the air crew wonderful merdeka warm wishes too. After all, they are part of who I am, who I was and who I am destined to be. A Malaysian. Physically I may be out of Malaysia but inside, I am a Malaysian at heart.

We landed at Kingston Smith Intl at approximately 7.55 am and without delay were taken to the hotel to rest & rejuvenating session before the work begins. Later that night, Dato' High Commissioner hosted a dinner in conjunction with the Merdeka Day. But before that, the hotel management (the finance controller is a Malaysian, even the Shangri La is also owned by a Malaysian) presented us a nice & moist choc cake, complete with the Jalur Gemilang icing to mark our simple yet meaningful celebration of Merdeka, away from home.

I envy my colleagues who had the chance to participate in the giant marching and jubilant celebration at Dataran Merdeka (Independence Square). I was highly thrilled and eager to march with our contigent perwakilan luar negeri too, as it is not every year that Malaysia celebrates 50 years of independence. But celebrating it here is also special in its own way, and despite the absence of gaudy & colourful costumes, songs & performances, Malaysians here are in high spirit too.

We have walked many aisle of trial & turbulences in our quest to form a solid & strong country name Malaysia. This is just not a nation for us, this is our home, the only safe place we know in the world run by lunatics and wannabes.

We complaint when the Badminton World Cup Championship ended miserably (except for Tan Fook-Wan Wah), we whined terribly when Jac lost to the petite Filipino in ASEAN ICON, we blamed the national football team violently when they lost all matches save for the recent joy in the Pestabola Merdeka. Yet through it all, we have never stopped caring for this one cryptic country name Malaysia.

Yes, its true that some people make fun of his own national anthem, ridiculed their badminton, football & hockey team for they are not world enough to them unlike Mawi (huh???!!!). And no other singer can be as patriotic & exemplary as Siti Nurhaliza or else her fans will become emotional & the chain letter will be posted via net. That's Malaysia for us, for them, for many people out there.

Whereas for me, Malaysia is simply the place that gave me headache & best moments in my life roled into one. I dreaded the fact that we are still in the process of identifying the framework of action to encounter the impacts of climate change (reason why I am away in Sydney), I hated the fact that adult movies are deemed as pornographic materials here contrary to my believe that it is an art of expression, I disgust the notion that yes, Malaysian drivers are killers on the road. Sure our public transportation is yet to challenge the efficiency of Singapore or EU or whatever.

But have we heard of Singapore winning Thomas Cup, reaching the final round of Olympic for hockey, archery, athletic & swimming on merit? Or the case in which the Danish players can consistently beat the shuttlers from China?

These are the little things that make me proud to call Malaysia my home. And save for the truth that I can hardly finish singing Negaraku till the end ( I will choke halfway appreciating the meaning of the lyrics), I am glad that I was born Malaysian.

So, here is a toast for me to you from the scenery view of Sydney Opera House & the famous Harbour Bridge. Do not stop fighting & defending this land of ours.

MERDEKA!

SEMANGAT YANG HILANG ::

JIKA ENGKAU SEORANG JUANG HINGGA TITISAN
REMPUH TAK BERHARAPAN
NANTI AKU DISANA DI UFUK PEMIKIRAN
LALU MENGHAYATINYA

DIDALAM KUBUR MANAPUN
JASAD AKU DI TANAM AKU AKU LAH JUA
KITA LAKSANAKAN MATA HATI YANG DAMAI
DISANA KEJUJURAN

SEMARAK IMPIAN SEGUNUNG HARAPAN DI PULANG
USAHLAH DIRAGUKAN KEUPAYAAN DIRI (SENDIRI)
HATI YANG MEMBARA MENGIKUTKAN KATA APA (KATA)
JAWABANNYA DISINI SEMANGAT KITA YANG HILANG

SEMANGAT YANG HILANG
OH…KITA CARI PULANG
MALU BERTANYA KAWAN SESAT CARI JALAN PULANG
BIAR IA TERKESAN DI LUBUK HATI TERBENAM

Good Luck Tan Fook-Wan Wah!

2007-08-18T14:17:00.001+12:00

am very saddened by the lose of our top players in the ongoing badminton World Championship. As I was enjoying Tan Fook-Wan Wah's world class match against the reigning Cai Yun- Fu Haifeng, our golden boys Keat & Heong frustrated us badly.

This is very very bad and sad too. I have never felt that my energy was running out of control, because for a long time our Tigers have always make us proud with their sterling performance against their opponents, be in squash, hockey, badminton, bowling, cycling,archery and etc (minus football).

Anyway, we still have Tan Fook-Wan Wah to keep the Jalur Gemilang flying high. Raise the red and white stripes for us, we are Malaysia's ardent fan.

This is how I am being patriotic to thee, my home. My country.

Please win the doubles match for us!

The Way Forward

2007-08-07T23:31:00.000+12:00

The moment our esteemed Prime Minister declared LID closed, my friends and I were undeniably the happiest creatures on earth. We endured working long-hours drafting speeches, writing background notes, reading chapters of various subjects ranging from microfinance, Islamic banking, poverty eradication, human capital development and collecting real life examples of Malaysia's success with smart partnership.

Despite failing miserably in sports especially football, Malaysia can be proud of the human capitals it has. Whether they are homegrown or educated abroad, they are undeniably the most important and non-negotiable commodities for Malaysia.

This country has traveled far in our quest for nation building and development. The road to perdition was tainted by a racial riot in 1969, major economic recession in 1997, and a highly dense political instability in 1998 that divided people along their political line.

Therefore it was indeed refreshing when I was roped in as the committee member and tasked to do something I had never done previously, drafting. Drafting speeches and intervention notes might be easy for superior seniors like couple of my senior colleagues but not for me.

It took me a while before I was able to fathom the concept of the dialogue promulgated by our respective First Man. We arrived Langkawi on the second day of August 2007 and from then on, work was unequivocally mountainous. But we were consistently taught to work together as a team to ensure that burdens are shared fairly.

So in a nutshell I enjoyed our LID stint, and I am looking forward to work closely again with my colleagues who have again proven their mantle of being reliable aide and friends.

The way forward, is for us to work together and strive for the best. Do not accept mediocrity easily.

Malaysia, My Home

2007-07-17T19:35:00.000+12:00

People everywhere write about home. They write to tell a story because everyone has a different story to tell. Some write for fame, some write for honour and most of us write to share.

I want to write about Malaysia, my home. Land of peace and tranquility. Blessed with natural resources and abundant of minerals, flora and fauna. Separated into a mainland and an island, this home of mine is more often far from perfect.

We build first class sports facilities when we were picked as the host of Commonwelath 1998. We won 10 gold medals then, with our national hockey team playing their heart out before bowing down to Aussie in the final.

We had Nurul Huda Baharin shooting for the stars and landed on the heaven with a gold in shooting with a new game record. We even had our national divers and swimmers surprising us with their surprise win.

When we look at ourselves now, we wonder what ever happen to that Malayan Tiger spirit that was once there, consuming our atheletes and pushing them to the sky limit to reach the impossible and unattainable siling of hopes.

We were humiliated and saddened when we heard that our national team was beaten 5-1 by China, and later crumbled 5-0 to Uzbekistan. I became even more disgusted to hear that Iraq had won over Australia. C' mon, a war torn country beating a US ally? Thats awesome. It made one felt like they had conquered thei worst enemy ever.

And so while I am writing this, I thought of home (since I am now in Brunei). I know that Malaysia will never win a football match but hey, we can't be that bad!!

We have our men training to go to the moon, we have a lady walking at the aisle of ice and coldness, we surely can win a football match!!!

Please, save my home!

Thousand Stars For You

2007-06-06T12:39:00.000+12:00

The demise of Loga of Alleycats is indeed a loss to the industry. Despite the age gap, I grew up with their songs, whether its about senja di kuala lumpur, or appreciating a lady from afar in sekuntum mawar merah, and missing someone like in suara kekasih.

But today, this is my favourite flavour. Seribu Bintang. If I go before you, know that my love will always be true.

Ingin kupergi jauh darimu
Agar kukenal erti rindu ini
Ingin aku menyelami jiwamu
Agar kukenal dirimu kasih

Ingin aku membenci dirimu
Tapi kebencian tiada padaku
Walau apa yang kau sangkakan
Aku tetap cinta padamu

Telah lama kuhidup melara
Telah kugagal dalam bercinta
Kini kau datang dengan seribu bintang
Bintang yang dulu sembunyi
Bintang yang tiada bererti

Kalau kau sudi menyentuhi hatiku
Aku kan selalu dekat padaku
Tapi jangan kau hanya cuba
Untuk mempermainkan cintaku

The Day I Turned 24

2007-06-04T22:30:00.000+12:00

I'm sure my mum was the happiest woman on earth on the day I was born. I'm rest assured that she was the proudest mom ever on the day I received my scroll in August 2006. I'm certain my mum was the loveliest woman on earth when I brought her the necklace as a gift when I received my first pay. I'm confident that my mum is still my strongest ally, despite all the pain I inflicted for all these years.

On the day I turned 24 (1 June 2007), my mum told me "You may be 24 today, sayang. But you're still my little girl, like how I am to your grandma."

True. Mother's love knows no boundary. Mum knows no mercy when it comes to raising me up to be a good human being. She does not compromise on adab & politeness. She does not appreciate modernity without guidance and a self-identity.

On the day I turned 24, I looked at her and told her gently "I love you , mummy. Your small palms have guided me enough to absorb the cruelty life brings"

And so, as I celebrated my birthday on Friday (1 June), I was full with happiness and joy, albeit the fact that my leave application was not approved.

Mum said," It's okay not to celebrate it at home. You are always in my heart, the place rightfully belong to you."

Mummy, you made my 24 years of living a heaven on earth!

Going Home

2007-05-24T22:01:00.000+12:00

The best song for me this year- Chris Daughtry's I"M GOING HOME.

Truthfully, it's a great feeling to be able to go home, back to the arms of the familiar faces whom I know will never stop loving and caring for me.

My mum had arrived home safely this morning, after her extensive and interesting 5 months stint in Europe, Budapest to be exact. She's home now, and I have no more worries on how tomorrow looks like for me.

She's home, we are in safe hands. I love her so much, I hope everyone will realize how important our mothers are, to support us at times when the whole world has turned their back against us.

During my pitfall, she stood firmly to remind me that I am not alone, that I will never be alone. That no matter what happens, somewhere in the desert, under the sun, she will be praying for me. Always and forever.

So today, while listening to this song from my PC, I can't wait to go home. A place where love resides, where love rules and where happiness flaunts all the time.

I am going home, to the place where I belong. Where love has always been enough for me.

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Happy Mother's & Teacher's Day!

2007-05-17T03:12:00.000+12:00

Mother and teachers, two important pillar of my life. Without my mummy, there will be no me. Without the teachers, there will be no educated me. Without them, I'll be worthless.

Mummy is only arriving home on the 24th, regardless we still wished her a happy mothers day, away from comfort of home. When I think about her, I feel blessed. I feel that I have had all the love in the world that I need, because she means the world to me.

A mother can take care of numerous children but same cannot be said about the numerous children. My mum is a special lady, she is a lady with a strong character, highly optimistic and very much educated and well-read. We may had our disagreement and discontent, but I know all she did was love. Words can never be enough to describe my feelings for her.

Whereas my teachers, thank you for teaching me what I ought to know. Ever since I was six, attending Tadika Cumi and Ciki, moving on to my Diploma study at INTAN, it was you who had shared yor wisdom and knowledge with an inept me.

I will always cherish those moments when I was learning ABC, Alif Ba Ta, e= mc2, and etc, you worked hard to ensure that I understood what you were saying.

Cikgu Ainah, you'll always be in my heart. You stood by me when nobody else had faith in me. I did not get all the As for SPM, but I had become a human being in my own right and dignity, just like how you'd want me to be. I've proven many people that they were wrong about me, that it took more than ill-intention to destroy me. A man can be defeated but not destroyed, so said Ernest Hemingway.

I may not be one of the high achievers at our rigid and discriminatory school, but I will ensure you'll be proud of me someday. To all the cikgu, Dr, Prof, Encik, Tuan, Puan, Cik & etc, thank you for your patience and guidance educating me. Jasamu dikenang.

Di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit di junjung. Hidup tak luak dek puji, tak mati dek keji.

Happy Mothers' & Teachers' Day to all the people who had made me who I am!

From Boston With Love

2007-05-14T12:16:00.001+12:00

From Boston With Love
The moment MH95 landed safely on the soil of Malaysia, Truly Asia, I felt so happy and relieved to reach home safely. I had a great time in Boston, notwithstanding the excellent transit at LA.

The teamwork, dedication, determination, laughter, jokes, bashing, late night gossip session, security flashing/flushing and everything about the visit were just so memorable and beautiful to be remembered. We started off quite shaky as we only had less than 2 weeks to prepare for the whole grandeur visit of our man no. 2 to Boston.

But in the end, things just fell into places and I felt very happy & satisfied, but not too glad as I know there's more to come. I like the people I worked with everyday at Boston. They smiled, laughed and held each other close so that if one fell, the rest will pick her/him up and he/she will stand again.

I made new friends, I began to understand our security personnel's responsibility better. We worked well, we hardly gave anyone hard time as we knew the importance to stand together and work hand in hand.

So many great things to admire about the visit, despite hiccups that are impossible to perish. I had a blasting time in US!!! I enjoyed it tremendously and looking forward to perform better in my next assisgnment.

People around can say anything they wanna say to bring me down, but one apparent thing I picked up throughout this whole BIO 2007 was the fact that if we do our work with good intentions and right attitude, no bad intention towards others, Allah will assist in His own specific and special ways. Things fell into places rightly for us, and I knew that'd mean only one thing : Count your blessing!

I began to miss the companion I had enjoyed during our 10 days visit. But I know no matter where we are, someday our path may cross again and I'm grateful for the chance to meet those wonderful people from other places. I'm blessed!

Time to move on for the next best/worst thing in life!

I Love You

I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But when I think of you
I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear
Words that are old as time
Words only you would hear
If only you were mine

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you
Should've made my move when you looked in my eyes
'Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side

I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time

So today, I finally find the courage deep inside
Just to walk right up to your door
But my body can't move when I finally get to it
Just like a thousand times before

Then without a word he handed me this letter
Read I hope this finds the way into your heart, it said

I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time

Well maybe I, I need a little love yeah
And maybe I, I need a little care
And maybe I, maybe you, maybe you, maybe you
Oh you need somebody just to hold you
If you do, just reach out and I'll be there

I love you, please say
You love me too
Please say you love me too
Till the end of time
These three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together

Oh, I love you
Please say you love me too
Please please
Say you love me too
Till the end of time
My baby
Together, together, forever
Till the end of time
I love you
I will be your light
Shining bright
Shining through your eyes
My baby

Chasing Cars

2007-04-30T23:29:00.001+12:00

April 2007 ended with 3 major dictations in my family's diary; an aunt passed away- alas she succumbed to breast cancer. Another aunt gave birth to our youngest sister, Aisyah Habibah. And another aunt got married and now is preparing herself to depart for Ireland.

I missed all three occasions as a result of my responsibility and duty to serve the country. It sounds tad dramatic but I highly regretted the fact that I was not there in any of these events, which means I did not choose to cry or laugh with my family because I was away.

I just want to forget the world and make it stop from robbing me of my fond time with my loved ones. I want to be there, all the time. I want to cry and wipe away the tears. I want to forget what we were told about growing up and dispatching from our nucleus.

I need a grace to keep me strong. I want to love you always, more than you ever know.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Point of Authority

2007-04-21T17:39:00.000+12:00

When confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love, said Mahatma Gandhi. Well, true enough love conquers all but love is not enough to refrain all the difficulties life has to offer.

I will not stop walking just because someone badmouthing and slandering me. Even if that someone is in a higher strata than me, that does not make me different from any servant of Allah.

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can’t run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won’t last

You like to think you’re never wrong
You have to act like you’re someone
You want someone to hurt like you
You want to share what you’ve been through
You live what you’ve learned

I'm Here For You

2007-02-10T22:12:00.000+13:00

On my way back last night, my dad suddenly called to ask me where I was. Stunnned, I told him that I was just 20m away from home as I was still in the taxi.

It was only when I had arrived that I realized he was alone while finishing his book of crosswords. My sister the 'little bird' was at school for camping while my brother was somewhere in KL, supper with friends.

It was the first time ever that I felt so terrible for leaving him alone, not knowing that something could have happened to him. He might be bored and needed to know where his children were that he decided to call me when he had known all this while that I will always be home by 10 or 11 the latest.

It made me realized that my mum may have taught us well to care for him while she is away, but she surely had not prepared us to be his loyal company. I am certain that he knows that we have done our best to care for him but it is not the same not having mum around.

I just wish I have the guts to tell my dad, I am here for you. Always. For you. For Mummy. For our family.

Menatap indahnya senyummu di wajahmu
membuatku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau selalu
hadir dan temani aku
di setiap langkah
yang meyakiniku,
kau tercipta untukku

Meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku,
kuingin kau tahu
ku selalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu

sepanjang hidupku

Daddy's Girl

2007-01-26T19:48:00.000+13:00

My mum will be away for a month (or probably 6) to spend her precious holiday gift from daddy. She thousand miles away from home, and we can't help but missing her presence and babbling and nagging. One and only mummy who is now probably busy shopping or wandering around Budapest or Vienna or any parts of Europe where she landed her feet on.

So that means we are left to be in dad's safe hands. But it's more or less like my dad is in ICU and we are attending to him for obvious reason, he misses mum badly. Haha...he wouldn't leave KLIA until the screen showed mum's flight totally leave.

I am a daddy's daughter, and mummy's best friend (and foe too). We have not been out that much because dad feels that it's better to stay at home, mum might call *sigh*

But I think as daddy's girl, I have to do something to cheer him. Hmmm, karaoke? Dinner? Still can't figure out what's the best solution. Perhaps calling mum to return ASAP? Nah, not a good idea.

Whatever it is, I love being daddy's girl. And I miss my mum deeply. And I have another project in the pipeline for myself, win a date for Valentine's Day!!!! Hahahahah... I am Miss Clean Sheet, I doubt my mission gonna see any successful result. Duh...

Mum, come home soon. We miss you.

You're my everything
The sun that shines above you makes the blue bird sing
The stars that twinkle way up in the sky

Tell me I'm in love, when I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my finger tips
And all the while my head in a spin
Deep with in I'm in love

You're my everything and nothing
Really matters but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning with those big brown eyes
You're my everything
Forever and the day
I need you close to me
You're my everything
You never have to worry never fear
For I am near when I hold you tight
there's nothing that can harm you in the lonely night
I'll come to you and keep you safe and warm
Yes, so strong my love

You're my everything
I live upon the land and see the sky above
I'll swim within oceans sweet and warm
There's no storm my love

Everybody Hurts

2007-01-16T02:53:00.000+13:00

While watching a movie on SMV, Radio which is based on a true story about Robert James Kennedy, I was touched at how humble and willing Harold Jones was in extending his friendship to the special man, almost neglected by anyone in the city.

A touching account about a mentoring relationship that was both emotionally and spiritually fulfilling, I was humbled instantly. Beauty things in life really do not exclude the disable and retarded from the normal aliens like us.

Grant us more passion to love one another, to treat each other kindly and never to hurt the same human beings, son of Adam and Hawa.

When the day is long and the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on
Don't let yourself go
Everybody cries and everybody
hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone
If you feel like letting go
When you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much of this life
To hang on

Well everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Happy New Year, 2007

2007-01-03T00:40:00.000+13:00

Alhamdulillah, I had a great blast in 2006. I am welcoming 2007 with prayers and hopes that may it be a better year for me. May I prosper in my career, may my family lives a happier and loving life and may us be better servant towards Allah.

Sezarah Budi Buat Yang Sudi

2006-12-25T21:58:00.000+13:00

AKU

Kalau sampai waktuku
Ku mau tak seorang kan merayu
Tidak juga kau

Tak perlu sedu sedan itu

Aku ini binatang jalang
Dari kumpulannya terbuang

Biar peluru menembus kulitku
Aku tetap meradang menerjang

Luka dan bisa kubawa berlari
Berlari
Hingga hilang pedih peri

Dan aku akan lebih tidak perduli

Aku mau hidup seribu tahun lagi

Disember melewati Malaysia dengan kecelakaan, memaksa petani di darat, nelayan di lautan dan buring di langit bertafakur menghayati alam. Apakah yang kurangnya bumi ku ini?

Bangunan KLCC terbentang tinggi mewarnai dada ibukota, kelab malam berderet menyambut kehadiran pelancong yang hanya tahu menyumbang alkohol dalam setiap helaan oksigen dan aliran hemoglobin yang tandus.

Anak muda memandang enteng tuntutan agama lantaran leka dengan godaan duniawi. Mata yang bening hanya dapat memandang tetapi tidak dapat melihat.

Persahabatan menjadi gurauan, teman ditikam dengan belati tajam tatkala matanya beralih menjenguk kanvas keindahan alam. Tiada lagi teman yang setia.

Bumiku tandus. Moral kita haus. Kita semua semakin jauh mengejar mimpi, berlari mencari sesuatu yang tidak hakiki.

Kita ego dan bungkam dalam kebodohan. Namun kita berbangga kerana kita berasa itulah kemodenan.

Persetankan dunia. Aku ingin menerangkan jalanku, membersihkan diriku.
Sebelum aku dan bumi berpamitan. Membawa persoalan dosa dan pahala.

Menjari jalan syurga atau neraka.

Buatmu ku ikhlaskan budi selama kita berkenalan
Kerana sezarah yang ku halalkan
Adalah bekalku menuju damai yang abadi

Aku akan menemankanmu sahabat
Kerana padamu aku yakin ada cahaya

Goodbye Boys

2006-10-08T09:09:00.000+13:00

Friendship is lost and found everyday. Friends come in many form, shape and function. One remains true, hearts can't lie. Friends are important to us. We need them as company, because we are not certain of how life being alone and deserted.

I have many friends and acquaintance whom I gathered over the years of experimenting with life. Some friends are cruel and mean, some are not sincere and often they have their own agenda on being friends with us. As for me, I will do my best to be a good friend because if I want to have a good friend, I should be one.

Altough several friends look down on me and my simple life, I am not sad. Inside I feel happy to know that life has its own glory and blessings beyond human's comprehension. If I ever come across destructive friends, one who will always see fault with other people and not himself or herself, I remain true to myself and m principles.

Life worth doing good deeds, and I still believe there are kindness and goodness left on earth, already swamped with dust of greed and cruelty. What you were then, what you have become. What you continue to be. Yet we constantly look back. The personal journey of a few that can be understood universally. It is a timeless journey that affirms growing up as being a beautiful tragicomedy.

I dislike the idea of 'pecah sidang' for our diploma course. But I know I'll stick to my friends as I sincerely treasure their presence. Friendship does evolves as one grows older. And so, goodbye boys and ladies if I ever to be in a different sidang.

You are like the stars at night....beautiful and enlightening

Kan ku lukiskan wajahmu mewarnai duniaku
Kan ku syairkan lagumu menemani sunyi

Teman ku punya cita-cita
Yang kan ku genggam akhirnya
Sudikah teruja untuk bersama
Melewati ruang angkasa

Bintang - bintang, menyinari malam ku
Bintang-bintang, setulus ucapanmu
Andaikata mu setuju genggam erat tanganku
Bintang-bintang destinasiku (Adalah Kamu)

Kan ku hulurkan bahuku tuk kau ratap tangismu
Kan ku sulami tawamu buat rencah hidup

Temanku tahu kitar roda
Kau dan aku kan berbeza
Percaya pada jiwa semesta
Melayar sepantas cahaya

UKM and Nationalism

2006-10-08T08:08:00.000+13:00

For the first time ever, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia is among the world’s top 200 universities. Ranked 185th by The Times Higher Education Supplement (THES) in its 2006 rankings published yesterday, UKM improved by an impressive 104 places from the 289th spot last year.

As an alumni of UKM, I share the pride and mirth surrounding UKM at the moment. I am proud that the hardwork and sacrifices have presented us with results, despite UKM being relatively a young varsity as compared to other uni. Although I am proud, I am not satisfied yet as we still have not reached the level of NUS, whatsmore Harvard, Cambridge and Oxford.

When I was studying in UKM, I complained a lot about many shortages that I had to endure. I whined about the old buildings which produce terrible smells at times, I looked down on the lack of wireless availability around the campus, I was forever comparing UKM's research publication and collaboration to NUS' and I was not happy that the medium of teaching was 100% absolutely Malay.

However I gradually began to comprehend that the reason Allah has granted my varsity application and placed me at UKM was far beyond acquiring the piece of paper people call a degree. It was UKM which had taught me the value of being a human and life, things I can never gain from reading 1000 books from famous scholar or a crappy fiction writer.

The university has its own weaknesses and yet the lecturers never complain or giving up hope of seeing better days to arrive. My lecturers were always supportive and concern of my progress. They were always ready to endure any challenges and difficulties that the students experienced. They were with us, religiously, physically and mentally and they had never discriminate the students for the love and honor of their profession. And for that, thumbs up for my alma mater and thank you, lecturers.

Despite the positive achievement, the stupid chauvinist just can't get enough of good things achieved by the Malays. Had UKM was headed by someone of their race and origin,they'd have had 100 press conferences by now to highlight their so called phenomenal success to the mediocre Malaysians. Well, you can't change a non-compliant and make him proud of whatever Malaysia and Malays have achieved, because they are just born to make life miserable.

I used to worry about the future when I graduated from UKM, afraid of not landing a good job for I was educated at a Malay university. But today I held my head up high because it is because of the Malays that Malaysia has something to be proud of in the field of education. Something is still better than nothing and I am proud with what UKM has achieved. And you'll surely see more from us in the future.

I am neither conservative nor jobless. I am a UKM graduate, I received my scroll on 12 August 2006 and gratefully I was already working at that time. No worries of being jobless just because I graduated from a national university, where people mostly converse in Malay.

UKM, may the force and blessing be with you to educate and produce more succesful, grateful and helpful Malays. One who is not afraid to defend this beautiful country in his or her own way. One who will always proud to call Malaysia home, and UKM my alma mater.

Words

2006-09-22T13:18:00.000+12:00

I am trying to recall the last time I was able to come clean about my feelings verbally, and I realized that it is almost impossible to give a date :)

I am terrible with verbal expression of words, but I hope that somehow my words I wrote in any form will find theior way into the hearts of the recipient. Considering reading and writing as my passion, I think I am entering the grandeur of nerdy act....*sigh*

Words don't come easy to me,
How can I find a way,
to make you see, I love you,
Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me,
This is the only way
for me to say, I love you
Words don't come easy
Well I'm just a music man,
Melody so far my best friend
But my words are coming all wrong and I,

I reveal my heart to you and,
hope that you believe it's true cos
Words don't come easy to me,
How can I find a way to make you see, I love you
Words don't come easy
This is just a, simple song

That I've made for you on my own,
There's no hidden meaning you know and I,
When I say I love you honey
Please believe I really do, cos,

Words don't come easy to me,
How can I find a way to make you see, I love you
Words don't come easy
It isn't easy
Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me,
How can I find a way to make you see, I love you
Words don't come easy
Don't come easy to me
This is the only way for me to say, I love you
Words don't come easy

Do We Really Have To Fight?

2006-09-20T12:39:00.000+12:00

I may not know what went through YAB PM's mind when he met the ever sultry and wicked Mr. Bush, especially after the Muslims were shaken by an uncalled provocation from the Pope Benedict depicting our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w as an evil force.

However as a mediocre Malaysian/Muslim, I joined the ranks of my brothers and sisters worldwide protesting against the unjust and cruel act propelled by our nemesis in the name of a clash of civilization. Voila, a great way of rephrasing prejudice and discrimination.

The world has come a long way in fostering peace and stability between believers of different religion. We have struggled to put the tragedy of Holocaust, Shabra & Satilla, Balkan war, Holy War and etc behind us and marched forward as a citizen of the global world.

Sadly as we have become more progressed and developed, humans still find it easy to forget what had tormented past tranquility. We become obsess with our unilateral beliefs on the things that we wanna believe, not the reality of them.

And so we have again launched another set of agression and adversity against the very same people whom we called neighbours, friends and colleagues. We just love fighting each other, much to the annoyance of innocence and simplicity.

Do we really have to fight?

With Love, Caravansary

2006-09-02T20:08:00.000+12:00

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia. My beautiful country, filled with kind-hearted and dodgy people. A place where a devil walks side by side with an angel, where sin and good deeds merge as a unit, where race is everything but a disparity.

We, the government officers had to spend time participating in the choir competition, something which I did when I was 10. So we stayed on and joined other colleagues in an event called 'Malam Di Ambang Merdeka', held nicely at our campus. We didn't sing that night, but my group and I recited a poem. It was one of the intermittent performance for the night. The poem was written while I was having difficulties concentrating to Mr. Musaddik's lecture on sampling and types of research available. In between staying awake and being consistently sleepy, I took time to observe the situation around me. The dewan serbaguna, the friends I was with, the subject I was forced to study and etc.

Alas, it resulted in the birth of the poem entitled 'Kita Ini' or 'Us'. Simple but correctly from the bottom of my heart. You see, the problem with me is that I am harsh and rough, especially my words and my conduct. The only medium I am certain I can express my true feelings is in the writing, and in many occasions I wrote what I want someone or something to know. Well, I hope it works. But most of the time, I doubt it does :(

Appended herewith is the poem which my friends and I recited and acted together on 30 August 2006. Friends come and go, but love remains and can hardly be revoked!

I love thee, my Malaysia. my family. my friends. my someone.

Kita Ini

Kita ini mahu ke seberang

Maka bersatulah menempuh halangan

Kerana tatkala bercerai

Berpamitanlah kita dan kerobohan

Kita ingin mara ke hadapan

Meninggalkan kegagalan sebagai sejarah

Dalam lipatan kenangan semalam

Mencari erti menafsir hakiki

Kita ini dikatakan merdeka

Harus berani menginjak kaki sendiri

Kerana penjajahan itu bermula

Tatkala anak bangsa mula melupai

Darah dan duka pejuang yang rebah

Yang memberikan semalam untuk kita nikmati

Hari ini yang bermakna

Kita ini melukis bahagia

Di atas mural dan kanvas keikhlasan

Setinggi gunung seluas lautan

Cinta jua cahayanya sinar

Kita ini sebenarnya satu

Tidak berbeza tiada terasing

Lalu hiduplah bersama dan bersatu

Kerana tanah inilah asalnya bangsamu

Ayuni, 28 Ogos 2006

INTAN

My convocation!

2006-08-12T14:01:00.000+12:00

It is a peaceful and breezy Saturday morning, not only because I did not have to participate the sports' class in INTAN. But today is the day that I will be graduating, it's my convocation!!!!

By now I have fully understand an old saying that orang Negeri Sembilan, kucing beranak pun balik kampung! Apparently I am in the same session with my uncle who had completed his Master's study. So as one can imagine, the whole family will be joining us to UKM for our big day. Haha, of all the wonders in the world, I can't believe that I will receiving my scroll with alongside my uncle!!!!

I am deeply touched by the time taken by my aunt who will be joining us afterwards and bring my grandmother from Seremban to witness the moment of truth of me finally completing the cycle of being a student. Although I am looking forward for an opportunity to further my study, I am already grateful and humbled with this achievement.

It is amazing to see how Allah has better plan for me than I have for myself. I had never imagined that I will have to serve as a government officer, go whaling and kayaking, attended army module, mount climbing and camping before finally claiming my bagging rights for a degree. I am so grateful that I did not have to wait long to secure a job. Alhamdulillah, what more can I ask from Him who has shown His mercy to a mediocre and imperfect girl like me?

I pray that I will be given strength, blessing and determination to succeed in my career. I do not know where is the destination of this new journey I am taking in life. Wherever the path is bringing me, I am ready for a new phase in my life. I wish to extend my gratitude and warm thank you to my parents who had raised me up well, my family who has never leave me alone in despair, all my teachers who had taught me to be a good human being, my friends who have put up with the good and bad side of me, and to all who have been supporting me all this while.

There is still a long route ahead, and I am not afraid to try as I know I have all of you around to love, to support and to cheer me when I fall or succeed. May Allah bless all your kindness, Insya Allah.

Yours sincerely,

Ayuni 12 August 2006

You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

Judging Siti

2006-08-10T22:51:00.000+12:00

I have been deprived of my mocha and laptop that had helped me to write many things in this blog due to the hectic activities we had to undergo at INTAN. Nevertheless, it is better late than never to write something.
Malaysia has achieved many things for the past 48 years of independence. Yet we are not fully free from the practice of hypocracy and deceiving, as demonstrated by our pop darling CT K.

It doesn't matter who she chooses to be her partner, but the manner in which the whole issue was played is indeed horrifying and moron. Denial, denial and denial and in the end tell it all in an expensive live talk show just to share the inner thoughts of one of the most precious homo sapien in Malaysia? Duh, she ought to be much cleverer than most mediocre Malaysians to think that such kind of marvellous cover up will win her support of her fans and the rest of Malaysia.

Carriage in KLCC? Is she Lady Diana reincarnated? Hey, wait a minute. This is the same lady who has constantly told us to be SEDERHANA. Perhaps she wanna start considering donating a huge sum of RM to finance peacekeeping effort in Palestine and Lebanon.

Well, at the end of the day one can never pretend to be what one is not. Honesty and simplicity are the best policy but by nw CT should realize that its better said than to do it. She was a good girl, but then again a good girl won't take someone's husband and happily announce the plan of marriage nationwide, while fully understanding that the woman who had been there for him for the past 20 years are very much alive and breathing. Sigh, that says a lot about CT's compassion and understanding towards others who are less fortunate.

I think it is high time for us to start looking at other more substantially challenging issues namely war, conflicts, Inter Faith Commission proposal, constant attack against our PM and so forth. Let us leave CT living in her wonderland, hoping she can sustain one.

I am an ordinary woman who can never imagine how it feels to be in Mr K's former wife's shoes. Hurt? Grieve? Sad? Pain?
Life goes on. Nothing else matter, there is always a silver lining at the end of the storm. I am going to end my writing with a question posed by CT's soon to be youngest stepson in Nona latest edition :

"Mummy, why does daddy wanna marry again?"

My Wonderwall

2006-07-15T03:25:00.000+12:00

I'm home and happy to reunite with my family. I can't stand to be away from my laptop as it deprives me from writing and expressing my thoughts and feelings. Leaving for our army module soon, so happy to join the dancing group which is part of the activity while we are there. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I am still breathing and living safely today, Alhamdulillah. I spent most of my time in the hall writing a poem, in memory of a friend who is still searching for the place to rest his laurels on. May he find his peace of mind and a final destination that will make him happy, Insya Allah.

My best friend Ika is getting married tomorrow. Wow, am I too late or has she gone too fast? May happiness be with her. I just want her to know that I really appreciate the friendship, support and love she has given me to date. Can't think much of what to write now, probably will have a better idea tomorrow.

People can say whatever they wanna say but they do not necessarily mean something. I am sick of snobbish and proud people. I pray that Allah will never make me as an individual who is dry in terms of politeness and manner in dealing with people, especially the elderly. Some said that if you wanna see the true colour of a person, give him power.

DPA has certainly open my eyes on the 'hati budi' of the people around me. And i certainly make my own judgement in the way my friends are treating my parents. There are things that money can't buy and sell, and thats call politeness and manner. I am grateful that Allah has never made me forget the grass and soil I am stepping on. I pray that I will never change as I do not intend to be a great government officer, kiasu was never in my dictionary. I just want to be a good officer, whose life is blessed with great things Allah will want to grant, Insya Allah. I don't trust people who don't treat the elderly well as good people. Goodness has never come as a selective methodology. We shall never pick and choose when to be nice and when to act nice. I don't buy hypocracy well like others :)

Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Pardonnez moi et au revoir

2006-07-07T02:17:00.000+12:00

At last, the time has come for me to leave office for my 6 months intensive course of public administration. Well, time flies as fast as Airbus A380 but I am still me, living in my own world.

We had our department's hi-tea on Monday to celebrate the appointment of our big boss as the new Ambassador of Malaysia to France. I recited a poem which I wrote myself, and surprisingly this time around I was able to read the poem with feelings. Despatching my feelings and puring it into the words. I could feel the vibration within myself everytime I utter the words appeared on the paper. I could picture a self-effacing person of whom I have profound respect. I was happy that he found the poem to be meaningful and memorable for him and his family. Merci, monsieur. Felicitation pour votre appointment.

I spent my last week in Wisma listening to my favourite songs which my roommate claimed as boring and depressing. Haha...Damien Rice is indeed a haunting and depressing singer, so does his songs. Many of my colleague had given me good advise on how to carry myself throughout the 6 months course. I sincerely hope that I will get the chance to know more people as these are the friends who will be in my working network for a long time. Some of my senior friends had even predicted that I am gonna fall in love with someone during the course. Well, I'd better reserve my comment on that, biarlah rahsia.

My working debut (if I my narrate it that way) has humbled me in many ways. I am more relax and in control of my life now. I can't say how much I owe my family who has always been my loyal supporter. For them, all I can say is that I love you very much. I am not a deeply religious person but I know that all I want for us is a good life and a series of unconditional love between us. And I pray may Allah will protect us always, Amin.

My friends, thank you for your friendship and support. I want to apologize if there was time when I had hurt your feelings and cause you to grieve and despise me. I am sorry for any wrongdoings I had done in the past.

Attached is the poem I wrote for my TKSU II. Actually, it is a poem I wish to dedicate to someone whom I admire discreetly for his goodwill and golden heart. I wish him well, Insya Allah. There is no fame and glory that can ever replace a meaningful and blessed life with family and loved ones. My prayers will be with you my friend. Enjoy!

He

How to thank someone

Who has taken the storm and given you the rainbow?

He, who value things not for how much they are worth,

But rather for what they mean,

He, the one who would walk when others have faltered

One who remains awake while others are sleeping,

He, who listens when others speak,

He, who enjoys tosai and puri than the wealth of chocolates in a cup of ice-cream,

One who often cause us to tremble when he started calling, “young officers”,

He, who lives by the virtue of trust and honesty,

Whose life is dedicated to uphold his beliefs,

And his love for his country,

He, who cherishes the slightest gift life brought upon him,

He, whose stern voice reminds us of the joy of working together as a team,

He, who had taught us not to leave our friends in despair alone,

In his simplicity, he had shown us the meaning of life,

Whose thirst for knowledge runs deep in his vein,

He, whose Room 1268 will soon be emptied,

To make way for a rendezvous in Paris,

He, whom we are proud to call Dato’ TKSU II.

By: Ayuni

3 July 2006

KL Lights

2006-07-03T02:42:00.000+12:00

Wow, the lauching of Festival KL held at Istana Budaya was awesome! Although the event couldn't escape several dodgy errors but nonetheless I left IB feeling deeply satisfied as if I was reaching orgasm ..oopss...*sigh* and proud of my nation.

KEKWA decided that since PM's primary agenda is to develop not only the physical structures in Malaysia but also the quality of the people, arts and culture should be embedded as part of the norm of our mediocre Malaysians. Frankly speaking we might have never even heard of tarian Mai Heri, zapin, rodat, mak yong, Mohram, Latiff Mohidin, Yusof Gajah, Arena Wati, Keris Mas and many more. Thus the Festival serves as a platform to introduce these items hoping that they will reach us.

As an ardent and a staunch supporter of arts, I highly praise the effort as I think it is high time to start developing cultured Malaysians. We can't afford to be a develop country whilst having citizens who are rude, brash, loud and inevitably ill-mannered. Societies choose their own path that will either make or break them as a unit. As such, the political masterminds truly can't afford to make decisions based on hidden agenda and profit making minded as their decisions will determine the fabrication of our future generation.

It is a good time to confront the reality that Malaysians are not that good and kind after all. It is a bold decision to mobilize the plain Malaysians to start re-shaping their customary ritual of ignorance and insensitive. Embracing multi-racial culture for unity is another measure to ensure that the different races in Malaysia will unite and prosper equally. So in the end there is a Malay, Chinese, Indian, Iban, Kadazan & etc inside every Malaysian.

Today, the older generation of Malaysians complain about the lack of respect, love and passion shown by the young people. Only if we are brave enough to admit the pores apparent in the built-up of our modern society, we will never be able to bridge the differing view of two different generation with diverse values and beliefs. Therefore to bind us all via arts is indeed a much needed revitilization for the re-engineering of our social make up.

I applaud the move taken by KEKWA as I am deeply in love with our arts and culture. Although I will miss most of the event this year since I will be away for a course, I surely won't miss the chance of exploring our culture starting July next year onwards during the Festival KL. Again, kudos Malaysia!

Puas sudah hamba berpadi
Nenas juga dipandang orang
Puas sudah hamba berbudi
Emas juga dipandang orang

Jangan dijerat burung kedidi
Biarkan ia terbang ke hutan
Jangan susah puan berbudi
Pantun mesramu jadi ingatan

Salam sayang hamba yang bermohon kasih,

Ayuni

I Feel The Same About You

2006-06-30T01:08:00.000+12:00

I have been following the issue of Lina Joy's inundated and tireless effort to ditch Islam in favour of Christianity as a religion and a faith. Much have been said about the issue again, Islam is under heavy critics. A disdain fact of life, hard to swallow but that is what truth is all about.

Muslims are living in a time where there is no more trust, respect and honor are given and accorded to us. We are subjugated, differentiated and shoved to a corner in which we are not able to defend even our rights to wear headscarf to work, school and parliament because it symbolizes radicalism and uncompromising. I am completely disgusted and exasperated at such shallow and narrow minded opinion, or needless to say in my simple word, obvious stupidity and a complete moron.

People say that if the lady wants to abandon Islam, so be it. It her rights, and Islam is a religion that does not practice coercion in its teaching. Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought for years Islam has been seen as a suppressing religion. No freedom is granted, and thats why we can see why there are not many Muslims who would want to convert to other religions.

Moron, just imagine if a Christian or a Hindu man/woman choose to embrace Islam, she/he will probably live not having anything in possession as the family will cut all ties as their religion is so free and allows room for choice and rights to choose to exist. No money, no family and no glory in the sky. And yet nobody makes a big deal out of it. But if a fellow Muslim try to stop her/his fellow Muslim from converting, Islam is a suppressing religion. Voila, double standard in it purest form.

The most famous topic used by many to undermine Islam would be on the issue of how Islam is an insolent religion for women. Women have to do the house chores, they are victimized, their rights are stripped off and they suffer because Islam is a religion that is disrecpectful towards the ladies.

Correction, no Muslim women will take after her husband's name after they are married as she gets to retain her family's name unlike the non-Muslims. Historically, our Prophet Muhammas s.a.w was a very helpful man. He helped his wives to do the house chores even though he is a Prophet, guaranteed a place in the heaven. If the husbands are not respecting their wives, that is because it is a natural satire culture of men dominating the women as they have always tought that they are way better than us the female. It is not Islam to be blame, you moron!

I am a tudung-wearing Muslim lady. Throughout my 23 years of shortlived life, Allah has granted me the blessing of learning many things which cannot be found in the text books and internet. I am neither stupid nor conservative because I am a Muslim. I speak 4 languages, I had travel places to represent my uni in English debate, I had befriended the Jews, I have many gay friends and I have lived knowing that I can do and achieve a lot of good things if I put my heart and soul in it.

I came from a religious school. Back then, nobody took us seriously when we talked about Science, Add Mathc, Physics or when we debate in English. People thought we were stupid and lack knowledge about the globe. I cried many times blaming the then Ministry of Education (MOE) for placing me at a religious school although I had applied to enter one of the leading premier boarding schoool in the country. In 1999, when my team made it to the Prime Minister's Trophy Challenge English Debate, the officers from MOE even had the guts to ask us if we have our own blazers. Damn, PTD officers can't be that stupid and ignorant, I thought to myself.

Since then, I promised myself not to be seen as a backward cowboy girl just because I was schooled at a religious school. I wanna do justice to my school and the wonderful teachers who had taught me to be good and responsible human. There were many registrations of discrimination that I had endured but they did not break me, they make me who I am today.

I want to be judged not because of what I wear, what I drive, where I eat, what I drink at bar or who is the man I am dating. I want to be taken seriously for whats inside my brain and my heart,as I want to grow up being good human being. Tudung or not, I have proven myself to many critics and you can expect many more things coming from me!

My Take on the Meritocracy in Education

2006-06-24T13:58:00.000+12:00

Its June and as expected, the results of IPTA entrance is creating another blasphemous hype across the nation. Straight A's students complain of the government's inability to recognize their intelligence to become doctors, thus denying them entry to the medical school. Parents are unhappy that their bright and sparkling children are not the successful recipient of government's public scholarship, and the show goes on.

In 2002 when government introduced meritocracy as the basis for varsity's selection, many non-Bumiputeras (specifically non-Malays) were not happy that the number of Malays gaining entrance into public varsities showed a significant increase in comparison to the previous years. Articles were written in all the daily, claiming that the main intention behind the introduction of meritocracy was to grant more places for the Malays. They claimed as if that the Malays were so undeserving of the spot. How did we responded to that? We brushed it off under the carpet. We prayed that time will heal all wounds.

Sigh, I was one of the the thousands who was the 'victim' or meritocracy. I remembered on my last day in college, I cried as my CGPA was not close to 4.0. However 3 weeks later I was overjoyed that I was accepted into UKM, though I didn't get to do law as I had hoped for. Mind you, I didn't get into UKM because I am a Malay and I am far cry from the image of a studious girl, walking around with books and notes. I was and have always been very active either in curriculum or in the extra-curriculum activities. As a result, I was able to convince JPA to award me the scholarship as I promised them in the end, I will return to serve the government. I fulfilled my promise, I am now serving the government.

When I completed my study in October 2005, I was overcame with relief knowing that I had learned not only the theories of the courses I learned in UKM. But more importantly, I had been educated by my lecturers about the essence of living, the ability to manipulate what I learned and translate it into the reality which is sadly, not always as comfortable and smooth-sailing like others would wanna believe.

I am a strong proposition of quality education as I believe that the aim of education is not solely of knowledge but also of values. Nonetheless if we are to examine the fabrication of education we are embarking now, we will be surprised to know that there are too many anomalies that make the aim of education becomes void. And it lack values. Students show no respect anymore for their teachers who ought to be the one giving them all the knowledge they needed.

Many of us can be great students, scoring A's in all subjects. But mind you, not all of these majority-defined succesful students would be good people in life, e.g good engineers, doctors, lawyers and etc. When we are deemed as highly successful, we have always been caught in the mentality that "I am where I am because of what I have done, the efforts, the wasted time, the sacrifice and so on thus it justifies the ends that I am moving into." Thus you will see cases of bribery, doctors' negligence, cronic illnesses not attended to at provate hospitals and lawyers who who go to all extend just to win a case.

Little had we ever thought about the teachers' sacrifices and kindness, the parents' blessings and the divine intervention from the Almighty. We tend to forget easily, and so when we didn't get the scholarship, we easily point finger to the government and claim that we don't deserve such treatment because we are so worth it. Cliche, isn't it because this is the same reason given every year by those who are unsuccessfull. And when all means have failed, we then go to the politicians who would love to sensationalize the issue. Then, the table will turn 360 degree.

I praise my fellow Malays, for they hardly complain or blame others easily when they did not get what they want, or when they have been highly successful. They were never emotional when people say that the meritocracy was not purely build on the principle of merit per se. Instead, the Malays gathered their strength and determination, and work towards discrediting such allegations. Many of us are successful now, but we had never forgotten on how hard it was to get where we are standing now. I will always remember the hardship, the sacrifices made and the neverending guidance and prayers I got from my family and teachers (lecturers too).

The did not go and blame others by claiming that " I am better than the rest, so give me what I want." Often, the Malays won't use this argument to win their conviction. And in the end, they will in their own way and help to contribute towards the nation's progress, despite not getting what they want from the government but they never retaliate. That was what our informal education has taught us, the essence of respect and the principle of give and take. You can't get it all done your way.

So if you don't get what you want now, stop sulking and being lame about it. Move on, learn to see the other side of the world not from your eyes but from the reality that awaits you in the future. Travel easy, don't carry too much access bagage or it might kill you in the end.

Education is not to be politicized along the racial line, if Malays are highly smart and intelligent today unlike when they were before, so be it. The world is changing, so does the Malays!

The Sanctity of A Marriage

2006-06-17T20:55:00.000+12:00

have to admit that I have always been a big fan of Yusry KRU and Erra Fazira. To me, they are hardworking young Malays who have been working very hard to achieve their dreams and strive to become better.

So naturally I was sad when Buletin TV3 at 8 pm, 16 June 2006 confirmed that the couple is now officially, divorced. I wouldn't know what was on their mind during the proceeding but I can say that both of them are equally devastated that their dream marriage has finally come to an end.

Truth is, there are too many facade surrounding the life of our celebrities nowadays, whether the artist has a clean image as always projected by Miss Siti Biarlah Rahsia, rowdy and ever controversial clubber like Ms Fazura of Gol & Gincu or a family man like Mr & Mrs Gerak Khas. Fans are expected to undertsand that whenever a marriage or a relationship collapse, it is because fate is not on our side.

Well and yes, we can't say much if fate remains to be cited as the reason if something fails. Many did not plan to fail but many of us fail to plan. We did not plan to get married only to end it less than 5 years. But it happens,a nd so we are left wondering what went wrong. So when we could not find the reason or the courage to take responsibility for our own act, or even to admit that maybe we had deviated a bit, we quickly resort to the tradition of blaming the fate.

I feel sorry for Erra, it must have been hard for her. She had lost a fiance and now her marriage is doomed. But I have strong faith that she is a tough lady and she will be able to handle this difficult time, provided that we give her the support and understanding that she needs.

I think both are them are still in love with each other, but maybe they just can't be together for reasons best known to them. Sad, isn't it?

Maybe its time for the rain that was there when they had their bersanding at Taman Tasik and Syariah Lower Court PJ, to give way to the rainbow?

At least, let Erra has her dream of being a mother fulfilled. What else can a woman ask for than to give birth to her own child?

Togo or Angola?

2006-06-16T03:01:00.000+12:00

Well...its World Cup season. its eat football, sleep football, drink football..and live like the round ball. Anyhow it is great to get together with my dad, bro, cousins and uncles to support ou favourite team. Clearly England will not be in our list since we think that they are overrated, but so does Brazil.

My dad predicted if judging by the ability to endure the hot weather, perhaps Togo and Angola players have the extra as compared to the rest. But thats just for fun, ironically the ball is round and the field is flat, the match is on for 90 minutes so anything can happen on the field.

The one thing that makes me crazy for sports, is the fact that players do play whole-heartedly in the name of patriotism and national pride. I may have said this many times, but yes I am still in love with the memory of Commonwealth's hockey final, in which Malaysia lost to Australia. I sincerely don't mind them losing, for as a Malaysian I felt so proud to see the Malaysian players fought so hard and brilliantly to hinder the Aussies from scoring more goals.

Hmmm...but rugby remains my favourite sport. I grew up with a dad who played rugby when he was young and now managing the team. I grew up understanding rugby, hockey and football's rules better than netball's. I love sport!

I wish all the best of luck to the all teams making their grandeur debut at the World Cup. Even if you will not win, you have made your countrymen proud of their home soil. They are proud whenever the national anthem is played before the match begins, be it Togo, Ivory Coast, Angola or the proud Aussie. My team..well...they still have to climb the hill before they can even dream of reaching for the mountain.

And to all the Asian teams, you might be the one who had occupied my country in the past, a rampant Muslim country very much associated to a conservative lifestyle, a country known to be aggressively pursuing the dream of owning your own nuclear technology or a country torn apart because of a different political ideology.

Love Is All Around

2006-06-11T23:16:00.000+12:00

I went back to Seremban feeling very happy at the prospect of meeting my family members. I arrived home happily, kissed my grandparents, aunts and cousins.

Then as I was reading my favourite Readers Digest, my 7 years old cousin came knocking on my door. I thought she wanted me to bathe her, instead she handed me an envelope and asked me to open it when she had left the room. Weird, but by then I had fully understand about my cousins' attitude and behaviour.

So after she had left, I opened the envelope and found a letter and started reading it. Here is what was written by my 6 & 7 years old cousins:

Dear Along,

How are you? Happy Birthday, we didn't know about your birthday so we didn't buy any present. So we made this simple card for you because we love you.

We miss you because you have not come back for a long time.

Love,

Us

Stunned, I couldn't move or speak for few minutes. I had never imagined that my cousins could sense the frequency of me returning home to Seremban. I felt so bad to make my cousins, and perhaps my family waited for me to come back. I had never meant to prioritize work over my family, things happened in such a way that was beyond my control.

I got up and went out to meet them, and I hugged each of them tightly. I felt so happy to know that my big family is with me, praying and loving me as how I am. Then I accompanied them outside to play, and I realized how fulfilling it was to sit down and watch them, playing, laughing and smiling. It took all my exhaustion away. I thank God for giving me a family like mine, Alhamdullillah.

I can't help but admitting that I am a deep and sensitive person. I have strong feelings for the people I love & care, be it family or friends. Love fills us with a strength and determination to live a courageous life, because we know that we are not alone.

We know we have a sholder to cry on, a company to help us in an unpredictable situation, a reliable source of courage and love to help us ease the journey we are taking in life. To make the route we are on worth sharing and be remembered as a walk to remember, an inspiring journey of finding ourselves by finding others.

I hope someone will understand that I care deeply about him or her, and all I want for this person is for happiness to be with him or her even if it means that I will not be with him or her because I just want to see him or her happy. Thats all I want. I have written many prose to expedite the message, but I guess sometimes they are not enough.

Ciao!

KEKASIH

akan ku pintal buih-buih

menjadi tali mengikat mu

akan ku anyam gelombang-gelombang

menjadi hamparan ranjang tidur mu

akan ku tenun awan gemawan

menjadi selendang menudungi rambut mu

akan ku jahit bayu gunung

menjadi baju pakaian malam mu

akan ku petik bintang timur

menjadi kerongsang menyinari dada mu

akan ku jolok bulan gerhana

menjadi lampu menyuluhi rindu

akan ku rebahkan mentari

menjadi laut malam mu menghirup sakar madu mu

kekasih,